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Should i tell her?


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#1 G-sus

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 10:33

...with a really, really bad conscience.
lets start from the beginning...
today´s my birthday. and exactly at midnight my sister showed up, with a bunch of people, some buddy´s of me and some girls.
i was really suprised ´bout this, and we went drinking for a few hours.
actually i´m still freaking drunk (so i hope i dont make too much typo´s)...
but after i awake, first thing i recalled from a few hours ago was having the tongue of some blonde girl in my mouth, for about 10 secs...
this alone wouldnt be bad, if i didnt happen to have a girlfriend, who i really love...
(at least i think) nobody saw us kissing. and it really didnt mean anything at all, i dont know her even. and this was the "only" thing we were doing, nothing "else".
but i have a really bad conscience, i never should have done this. and i never would have if i wasnt really drunk...
actually i do hate me for ever kissing this girl.
so today at evening, my girlfriend will show up, give me a big present and want to party with me.
and i´m gonna have to tell her that i kissed that girl...
(i was thinking about telling her directly, and before she hands me the present. so if she dont wants to give it to me anymore at least thats a start of what i´d deserve...)
but this will maybe ruin everything for her... for understanding, this is not about ruining "my" time. its about her, because she really has a big crush on me and she dont deserves it to be wronged like that.
i know she will not leave me for this, but she really looked forward for my birthday...

so i dont know what to do... i HAVE to tell her, even most early possible, but this is like... the wrong moment, somehow...?
god, i feel terrible. until now i even never thought this could happen to me...
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#2 Sgt. Rho

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 10:59

Tell her. But also under which circumstances it did happen.

#3 Mr. Mylo

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:05

tell her, before she give you the present or tell her never... i think i would prefer the first choice... if you tell it tommorow or later she will be even more angry
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#4 G-sus

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:13

yeah, probably the best...
i´m afraid she wont be angry. but dissapointed in me, and hurt.
i think it would be more easy if she´d be just angry...
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#5 CoLT

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:15

I think priority one for you should be to tell her the circumstances and accept the responsibility for allowing yourself to get into that situation (i.e. for drinking as much as you did. Believe me, I've made that mistake before.). After she knows and understands the circumstances of the kiss, you tell her about the kiss.

Also let her know how meaningless that kiss should be because she's the only one you really want and the other girl was an accident you feel shitty about.

It makes it easier for her to understand that you were not acting under your own better judgement and then she may be able to forgive you a lot easier. It doesn't work as perfectly as this, but it might help. I can't guarantee that she'll understand because I don't know her or how she'll react.

EDIT: Timing error.... I know what you mean. It hurts a lot more to know that you've hurt them but then anger is easier to deal with, isn't it... I think so long as you're being honest with her and not keeping secrets, she should at least consider that part.

Edited by CoLT, 20 June 2007 - 11:17.

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#6 RaiDK

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:28

It's also a lot better if she hears if from you so you can give your side of the story rather than someone else's views...

Edit: Reworded post.

Edited by RaiDK, 20 June 2007 - 11:36.

View PostMasonicon, on 17 Oct 2009, 13:44, said:

According to Conspiracy theories in internet, sci-fi and fantasy are real!

#7 Dauth

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:29

I reckon you should confess, either way i wish you and your gf the best and hope it works out ok

#8 Kris

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:30

Four words:

Tell Her What happened







#9 Mr. Mylo

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:32

good point RaiDK... why dont you phone her now?
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#10 RaiDK

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:35

I'm really not sure what you mean by that...

View PostMasonicon, on 17 Oct 2009, 13:44, said:

According to Conspiracy theories in internet, sci-fi and fantasy are real!

#11 Mr. Mylo

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:37

i meant that i support your point before
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#12 RaiDK

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:38

Ah, sorry... I thought you were implying that I ring her >_<

View PostMasonicon, on 17 Oct 2009, 13:44, said:

According to Conspiracy theories in internet, sci-fi and fantasy are real!

#13 Mr. Mylo

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:47

lol^^ i dont expect that you phone her^^... g-sus should phone her
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#14 RaiDK

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:49

I thought you were being sarcastic :P

View PostMasonicon, on 17 Oct 2009, 13:44, said:

According to Conspiracy theories in internet, sci-fi and fantasy are real!

#15 Mr. Mylo

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:51

that made me lol XD...

if you phone her now, she will be prepared when she visit you this evening
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#16 Stinger

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 12:05

Don't bloody tell her this over the phone as suggested before.

Just wait till she comes around later.

#17 Mr. Mylo

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 12:07

then tell her in first half hour and not in the last

Edited by MYLO, 20 June 2007 - 12:07.

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#18 RaiDK

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 12:08

We need a female opinion here...

*Looks for E.V.E. or Blatt*

View PostMasonicon, on 17 Oct 2009, 13:44, said:

According to Conspiracy theories in internet, sci-fi and fantasy are real!

#19 Mr. Mylo

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 12:11

yeah your right RaiDK... eve isnt online @ the moment
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#20 G-sus

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 12:15

IMO i really should NOT tell her on the phone. even if i could phone her right now...
and still cant believe what a dork i am...
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#21 Saint

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 12:33

This is what drinking does to ya. Not to be mean but I hope you learned your lesson. I lost a girl to it before.

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#22 E.V.E.

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 12:38

Sorry to hear what happened to you G-sus.
Maybe you should phone her to come over straight away so you can tell her, that way she will notice later how important it was for you to get it of youre Chest. Of course its still a possibility to wait. But if I would be in youre Situation, that would eat myself up badly.

Like the others and yourself said, this needs to be done and that as quick as possible. There will be 100 % atleast one other Guy wich will tell her sooner or later and then It might be to late for you.

Tell her everything and of course try the best you can to explain that you never wanted to kiss that Girl.
If you dont do it right and/or Today, other People will tell her with a complete diffrent Story behind it. Things like " There happened more between you and that Girl " for example. That may even bring youre Girlfriend in a Situation that she doesnt know who to believe, her friends or you.

The last thing I can tell you is, how sad or dissapointing it may be, Nobody can tell you how this day will end. It has something to do with the Girl (what type of Person she is) , how good you can state the Situation, how much she loves you and how long you had a Relationship with her.
Not to make you feel bad, but I met People wich were together 2 Years and canceled the Relationship just because of one Kiss ...

But I do believe, that everybody deserves a Second chance, especially when youre quite a time together with that Person.

I hope I could help you.
Good Luck.

Regards,

- E.V.E.

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#23 AfterFlash

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 14:06

Agreed with E.V.E. 100%! Also another thing, not only rumors would spread around, but also if you don't tell her and she finds out and asks you about it, she'll get more mad about you lying than about that girl you were kissing.

BTW, hope you good luck.
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#24 G-sus

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 14:54

well, actually i´m 100% sure if i don´t tell she´d never find out...
but as we all agree, i have to tell. as soon as possible.
another thing is, i cant contact her until she comes here after work...
the waiting is really eating me up, i cant say how she will react at all...
and actually i´m the one who is telling her for more then half a year now, that trust is everything in a relationship.
and now i´m the one who broke it...
sad thing is, this IS our second chance, for both of us...
some years ago, as we were teenagers, we had a "relationship" of one week. i broke up just by writing a SMS and then found out she had cheated on me...
do people deserve a third chance? i dont know... and i´m beginning to be afraid of the outgoing of this situation.
still have to wait, i think ´bout 4 hours...

anyway i wanna thank all of you for your care and advices.
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#25 AfterFlash

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 15:09

well, you should really think about HER right now, think about what you're going to say first. If you're not prepared, and don't know what to say, it'll be a hard time for you. I suggest you plan on what you're going to say first. IMO of course.



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