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Asexuality


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#1 Areze

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 06:55

TV Tropes Link. Not exactly Encyclopedia Britannica , but it seems solid to me.

Alright. The more cynical might say that for my age, I'm a little odd. I am not obsessed with sex. Not even really interested in it. I have never watched porn in my life. Ever. Not even an urge to. Maybe it's because I'm something of a prude (although I follow the maxim of 'to each their own', so I don't condemn people who are interested in these things); maybe because in real life, I'm cripplingly shy and/or emotionally walled-off. Maybe I have a lot more self-control then I think I do. Maybe it's this. I somewhat doubt I'm fully of this persuasion, the demisexual bit fits more, but it's a good explanation for my indifference.

My personal pet peeve is the extremely common macho belief that "You aren't a real man until you have had sex." and other such things, which I personally find to be more in the way of a large collection of equine feces. What business is it to them? It strikes me as primitive peer-pressure towards some sort of conformity; or a relic of bronze-age paranoias (which was almost justifiable, given the very high mortality rate of the old days).

Discuss.
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#2 Zhao

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 07:16

mm I've never heard of such a type of person really , i actually find it quite odd and rare that you've never watched porn before either , i watched my first when i was 3 years old :read:


But really maybe this is a type of sexually that was shadowed for a long time and i haven't came across it
with any of my pears (well maybe 1 or 2 now that i think about it) interesting read.

#3 Golan

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 07:39

You're 17 years old... half a child, one well developed judging by what you said. Don't worry.

Must... resist... urge... to waste time... at TVTro... ah, heck... *clicks*

Edited by Golan, 16 August 2010 - 07:40.

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#4 Shirou

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 07:43

You've been posting this topic right here and pondering about the subject much more than anyone considered 'asexual' would do I belive. Above all, you are just seventeen. Of course, the teenage years flourish in peer pressure, with boy to boy behaviour much more reminiscent of the faithful neanderthal ages than you would initially assume. This however is pretty normal and is probably what made you study the subject and yourself in relationship to it.

I wouldn't start drawing conclusions at all at this point in time. If you are so shy as you say you are it is likely that any of the other stages in a romantic relationship haven't passed you either. Sex is a product of such relationships, not something that stands on its own, and only by experience in the complete picture will you find out about it.

A good speaker on this subject would be ex-staff member Rayburn, a convinced asexual in the way you described it. He will probably share his thoughts here if the discussion sticks.

Edited by Shirou, 16 August 2010 - 07:45.

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#5 Areze

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 10:17

I was thinking about it partially because there is a large group of kids my age in school with kids of their own already. I was frankly amazed to realize that there was at least one parent among the student body in each of my classes. I'm not exactly naive (at least I think), there were kids like that at my old school; plenty of them in fact. It was the sheer volume of it. Is there no self-control? :read:

I really do have doubts as I have had crushes before, but so far have dismissed/repressed them as being little more then senseless bollocktry. I haven't had the greatest experiences with people so far, and so that leads to my general misanthropy (It helps that they are shallow, mean-spirited idiots; 'What country is Asia in?' indeed. FROM A 10th GRADER). So yeah, shyness and misanthropy.*

*NOTE: I perfectly know not everyone are like this. I've met and actually got along with quite a few people were were quite smart. But most of them are MTV/Jersey Shore drones with the capacity of individual thought as a Hive Mind drone. I was surprised since I assumed these rare exceptions all thought I was a mute dickhead because I never talked unless someone else started the conversation. Ahh, perceptions. Aren't they just grand?

P.S.: If I seem rambling and/or confused of some sort, that has to do with it being 5 in the morning here and I have no caffeine or anything to do. RAEG.
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#6 Rich19

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 10:43

I think the best advice I can give is this - there's no reason whatsoever for you to have to label yourself like this. You're exactly right when you say "What business is it to them?", so why should you have to impose a title like "asexual" or "demisexual" on yourself? It seems like you feel you have to explain away your indifference by slapping a sort of "diagnosis" onto yourself or something like that. There's simply no need for you to have to do this - we are all individuals, we develop at different rates, and you are still young. Try not to let things like this bother you - you're again right when you say that this "You aren't a real man until you have had sex" attitude is essentially just a sort of peer-pressure. At any age there will of course be some people who have had sex, but there will be others who are simply lying about it because they want to fit in; and at seventeen I think you'll find that the people who have already had sex are still in the minority.

#7 Areze

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Posted 16 August 2010 - 11:58

View PostRich19, on 16 Aug 2010, 5:43, said:

I think the best advice I can give is this - there's no reason whatsoever for you to have to label yourself like this. You're exactly right when you say "What business is it to them?", so why should you have to impose a title like "asexual" or "demisexual" on yourself? It seems like you feel you have to explain away your indifference by slapping a sort of "diagnosis" onto yourself or something like that. There's simply no need for you to have to do this - we are all individuals, we develop at different rates, and you are still young. Try not to let things like this bother you - you're again right when you say that this "You aren't a real man until you have had sex" attitude is essentially just a sort of peer-pressure. At any age there will of course be some people who have had sex, but there will be others who are simply lying about it because they want to fit in; and at seventeen I think you'll find that the people who have already had sex are still in the minority.


I normally agree with you. I generally disapprove of labels. It's just that, at least for a while, it's comforting to give something eating away at you a name, so it becomes more failiar. It's the reason I have long wanted to go to a good psychiatrist to see if my Asperger's self-diagnosis is correct (I tick off on almost all of those; also, I'm aware of how many assholes try to hide behind the illness to justify their dickishness. It's considerably annoying, especially when it's obvious they have no idea how the illness actually works).
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#8 Sgt. Rho

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Posted 20 August 2010 - 03:44

If it was right, I think you, me, and half the world's population would have Asperger's :xD:

#9 Chyros

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Posted 20 August 2010 - 06:12

View PostAreze, on 16 Aug 2010, 8:55, said:

Alright. The more cynical might say that for my age, I'm a little odd. I am not obsessed with sex. Not even really interested in it. I have never watched porn in my life. Ever. Not even an urge to.
I think you're unnecessarily labeling yourself as something you probably aren't - the fact you're not into sex and porn yet is probably simply due to the fact you never had either. And as they say, you don't know what you're missing until you've tried it.

I think mostly it's just a barrier you need to lift yourself over. It's not shaming to watch porn, and sex will come eventually when you have a relationship.


View PostShirou, on 16 Aug 2010, 9:43, said:

A good speaker on this subject would be ex-staff member Rayburn, a convinced asexual in the way you described it. He will probably share his thoughts here if the discussion sticks.
Yeah, I was going to say that as well.
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#10 Major Fuckup

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Posted 20 August 2010 - 11:38

View PostChyros, on 20 Aug 2010, 14:12, said:

View PostAreze, on 16 Aug 2010, 8:55, said:

Alright. The more cynical might say that for my age, I'm a little odd. I am not obsessed with sex. Not even really interested in it. I have never watched porn in my life. Ever. Not even an urge to.
I think you're unnecessarily labeling yourself as something you probably aren't - the fact you're not into sex and porn yet is probably simply due to the fact you never had either. And as they say, you don't know what you're missing until you've tried it.

I think mostly it's just a barrier you need to lift yourself over. It's not shaming to watch porn, and sex will come eventually when you have a relationship.

This thread is a gold mine for making jokes but must resist the urge!

Yeah i find that hard to believe you have never watched a porn, I watch porn and it gets boring after a while. I also go to the strippers and get beewbs rubbed in my face its all good fun and it should be tried before you go and make a statement like that!

I question the general assumption that i am inherently deficient in the area of grammar and sentence structure

#11 Chyros

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Posted 20 August 2010 - 17:40

Seriously, the best way to de-alienate yourself from these subjects is simply to try them. You can't exactly "try" sex but getting into a relationship that's sufficiently good will lead to it eventually. You shouldn't just be in it for the sex though, certainly not at your age.

Tl;dr: neither sex nor masturbation is anything to be ashamed of, regardless of what you've been told or what you may think.

Edited by Chyros, 20 August 2010 - 17:41.

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#12 Kalo

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Posted 21 August 2010 - 04:29

This article is very cool IMO, you really don't see any epic movies/games/books where there a main character doesn't love sex or isn't in a provocative outfit. (Female obviously, most of the time the male is some badass) And I totally agree with that pet peeve about sex being the "man maker". It's just something to make a man slut feel better about himself honestly. But I have to say, you seemed to post asking for input on your asexuality.


There's nothing wrong with it, if anything? It makes you different, and severely at that. Asexuality in itself would allow you to do things without certain distractions that others would surely succumb to.

Edited by Kalo, 21 August 2010 - 04:30.

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#13 -=ViCtOr=-

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Posted 06 September 2010 - 19:43

I have heard of it before, and I am kinda crazy with nice female boobies, not to sound perverted or anything but when I see a girl from like my age I need to take atleast a very fast peak 8|

I think it's just in my nature....

Edited by -=ViCtOr=-, 06 September 2010 - 19:44.

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#14 BeefJeRKy

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Posted 06 September 2010 - 21:25

View Post-=ViCtOr=-, on 6 Sep 2010, 22:43, said:

I have heard of it before, and I am kinda crazy with nice female boobies, not to sound perverted or anything but when I see a girl from like my age I need to take atleast a very fast peak 8|

I think it's just in my nature....

That would be hormones :sly:
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#15 Libains

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Posted 06 September 2010 - 21:31

View Postscope, on 6 Sep 2010, 22:25, said:

View Post-=ViCtOr=-, on 6 Sep 2010, 22:43, said:

I have heard of it before, and I am kinda crazy with nice female boobies, not to sound perverted or anything but when I see a girl from like my age I need to take atleast a very fast peak 8|

I think it's just in my nature....

That would be hormones :sly:

True, boobies are just one of those things really. Don't think any man truly outgrows that basic lust, which is ironic as it's not a natural lust, but one created by mankind due to how they've been shielded. Amazonian tribeswomen bounce around with their boobs out all the time, and you don't see all of the men getting horny-as. The concept of lust is only in such that they are things people don't often see - nowadays you're as likely to lust over a girl if she's wearing a backless dress or a shirt that doesn't cover her stomach as you are if she's walking around topless. Lust is what we make it, methinks.
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