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Just some Backgroundstory


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#1 Bakelitu

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 10:29

Since im currently on vacation and not able to properly make some 3d models with this piece of junk laptop ....

I thought of why not write some background story for that thing im working on secretly. Anyway since im not really good in English I would like to ask if you guys could help me correcting grammar mistakes and such things and maybe contribute to the story :P
anyways here is part one I guess.

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Its the year 2467 mankind already know how to colonize planets and do some basics terraforming like making an atmosphere and things. The goverments of all planets are under the control of the Cvillian arm of ACOR (ACOR stands for Allied Colonies and Outer Rim).


There are 3 kinds of Colonies the inner colonies, outer colonies and the outer rim.

The inner colonies are those who got first colonized and are fully terraformed. The infrastructure is fully deployed and they house millions of colonist. They play an important role in goverment decisions that have a colony wide effect

The outer colonies are those that got colonized the last and are farther away from Earth. They are not fully terraformed and the infrastructure is not fully deployed yet. These colonies only house something bout 100.000-500.000.000 colonists or more depends on the size of the planet. Law is kind of present mostly in citys.

And then there are the Outer Rim Colonies. New and unexplored space and so far away from the inner colonies that there is no function law system or goverment. What to say about them ... its like the wild west full of Pirates, Bandits, independet mining corporations with there own private army and colonist who try there luck of making the big money. But there are some safe spots and those are the remote facilitys of the Army. No bandit is dumb enough to attack an army outpost since they will fire back with everything they have. So its a save but expensive spot to settle down since you have to pay high taxes at least it is safe..

and last but not least unexplored space its just unexplored.

Current Political Situation:
The Outer Colonies Population is unhappy with the goverments plan to support the inner colonies more than their own Outer Colonies. Heavy Riots arise because of this plan. Because of the low present of Police Forces and Military, the Outer Colonies are powerless against the heavy riots in the cities.
Since there is a Rebel group founded named Revolutionary Front of the Outer Colonies short: RFOC.
Responsible for more than thousands attacks and thousands of dead colonist. The reaction of the colonies didnt wait for long. The ACOR approved the Operation CASTLEBRAVO. Goal of this operation is to eliminate or capture all rebel forces.

Edited by Bakelit, 25 June 2012 - 11:14.

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#2 Sgt. Rho

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 11:09

I'd use "Terraformed" instead of "Transformed" for the inner colonies, and it's "Cities" instead of "Citys". My English grammar isn't the greatest either, so I'd rather not give advice there. The story does remind me of Firefly, only on a bigger scale. I like it.

You also reminded me to continue writing on a story I was working on :P

#3 Bakelitu

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 11:16

glad to hear that you like it and thanks for pointing that out ^^
and well I took some inspiration form halo here and signal there.
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#4 Sgt. Rho

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 14:53

Funny, considering Signal is actually based on Halo xD

#5 Bakelitu

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 14:55

yeah .... noticed it too ... well then its Halo > Signal > my story xD

something to read its a Letter from a marine to his parents. First time to try something like this

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Sgt. Axel Schneider 4. Outer Colonie Marine Division
Dam this is one kind of a shit hole we are in. Mum, Dad if you get this letter I will be no more. Guess I have to explain some things before I leave this Hell. Jennifer stole the Car last year and crashed it with that lantern. Not me I just wanted her to stay out of trouble. I am sorry for this incident.

Anyway you are asking why I am writing this well we are pinned down the whole city is in an Emergency state. Almost everyone here joined this Rebel Force called Revolutionary Front of the Outer Colonies and now my men and me are pinned down in this Police Station we are beeing constantly attacked by snipers. I am scared I wish I could see you one more time ...

Its been 2 days now since we left the our base in Nimbus. We assaulted the city of Kestrel at 8 am. And didnt know that what we are getting into. We didnt even leave the highway and they blew one of the APC's up... 10 lives gone in a matter of seconds... It was just terrible. After that we arrived at the Townhall our mission was to secure the building and get the Minister of Foreign Affairs out of there. Well didn't go as we liked. We were attacked when we got out of the building and the minister los his head to a 50 cal. Bullet ... I dont wanna get into details but well since our Mission failed we retreated. On the way to the high way we came across a barricade so we had to use another way through the slums of the city and that was sure a bad idea.

We drove through this slum as fast as we could but ... those rebels did set mines up and blew our tank and the second APC up. And my own APC was heavily damaged so we had to get out of it another bad idea. We lost Mikey to a sniper while getting out. We instantly ran into cover and looked at the city map where we could be in safety and well there was only this Police Station. It was just 5 km away so we decided to try our luck. I ran to Mikey and picked him up he did still breath it was a wonder. We ran for our lives you don't know how scared I was. I didn't wanted to die yet...

We Finally arrived at the Police Station it was already getting dark. When we ran into it we just found dead Officers they were slaughterd like animals it was horrible. I just can't realise why the Rebels hate us this much that they have to do this. I really wanna spare you details. Anyway we fortified us and luckily found plenty ammo and weapons. I wonder why this Police Station was outfitted with so much Ammo and Weapons. Now we had finally time to look at the wound of Mikey. Man he had so much luck the bullet was just sticking inside his helmet and a bit in his head. Nothing really to worry about. Reminds me of that accident in the base when Eric and me had this fight with our baseball bats... didn't really end good for me.
At least he will be able to fight along us again. Im not sure if its better to be dead right now though. Now we are just hoping to get a signal from base that they are searching for us. Ima get some rest now. Love you Mum and Dad.

Edited by Bakelit, 25 June 2012 - 16:27.

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