1469 replies to this topic

[CodeCat]

Saw this on another forum, and thought it was worth trying here, too. Quote any funny news articles as they come up. Do NOT post old news, only news that is current. And make sure to post a link to the article, too.

Quote

Trailer Full of Broccoli Disappears

VILLA PARK, Ill. -- Someone got way more than the recommended daily serving of vegetables when a refrigerated trailer loaded with $50,000 worth of broccoli was stolen.

The 48-foot trailer disappeared from its rented parking space in the Chicago suburb of Villa Park sometime between Sunday and Tuesday morning, police said.

Detective Ed Zorich said the thief was probably after the trailer, not the vegetables.

"What is someone going to do with that amount of produce?" Zorich said. "On the black market, I can't imagine that's something that's worth money to anybody."

Police entered the trailer into a stolen-vehicle database, but had no immediate leads.

"We have homicides happening in town," Zorich said. "We're not really looking for a truck of broccoli right now."

http://www.washingto...6122800780.html

[Slightly Wonky Robob]

rofl

[Moosy Crisp]

Good riddance. I was forced to eat that shit for years.

[Soul]

It's good with chesse sauce, you should try it, it's fricken yummy.

[Areze]

It looks like somebody likes their veggies.

With that statement Forgotten, I suspect you of the Broccoli theft.

[Soul]

That's impossible I've never even been to the US, let alone Chicago.

Edited by Forgotten_Soul, 29 December 2006 - 20:23.

[CodeCat]

Quote

Cat gets bank credit approval

MESSIAH Campbell was considered a good enough credit risk to be given a card with a $4200 limit – which was surprising considering he's a cat.
His Melbourne owner Katherine Campbell wanted to test the limits of her bank's identity screening process and applied for the Visa credit card on Messiah's behalf.

She was amazed when it was approved.

"I just couldn't believe it," she said yesterday. "People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security."

Ms Campbell applied for Messiah's credit card through the Bank of Queensland two weeks ago.

She already had a credit card with the bank and wanted to see whether a second card for the same account would be approved for Messiah.

She filled out an additional credit card application form in Messiah's name, including his address and age, and sent it to the bank.

Ms Campbell said the bank requested identification from Messiah but days later sent him a credit card without receiving any proof of identification.

Ms Campbell said the envelope containing her cat's credit card, the letter inside and the credit card itself were all addressed to Messiah Campbell.

To make matters worse, Ms Campbell – as the primary credit card holder – said she was not notified that a secondary credit card attached to her account had been issued.

Ms Campbell said she was shocked by how simple it was to bluff the bank's security system.

"It's a bit scary and it's a big problem," she said. "It was very easy to do and I'm not even a professional crook."

A Bank of Queensland spokeswoman said the credit card had been issued to the cat in error.

"We have investigated the issue and it appears the bank has made an error," she said. "We apologise as this should not have happened."

Although the bank will not be taking legal action against Ms Campbell, the spokeswoman said the person signing the application form should not give misleading or fraudulent information.

"It is also important to remember that for an application to be approved, the customer must sign to confirm the information they have given is true and is not misleading or fraudulent," she said.

Messiah's credit card has since been cancelled but his credit status doesn't stop there.

Ms Campbell again challenged security measures when she applied for her cat to be a secondary account holder on her electricity bill.

The ploy worked and Messiah's name was added to Ms Campbell's Red Energy electricity bills.

A Red Energy spokeswoman said no responsibility rested with the secondary card holder and there was no problem with having a pet's name on a customer's electricity bill.

"We never intended for people to sign up their pets as secondary account holders but we respect our customers' wishes," she said. "However, we doubt that their pets will be able to take full advantage of the service."

http://www.news.com....65-3102,00.html

[Soul]

Oh lordy who knew security was so bad.

[Alias]

Quote

LONDON (Reuters) - British police said Friday they were hunting a man who stole a urinal from a pub toilet.

The suspect walked into the Royal Oak pub in Southampton, on the English south coast, ordered half a pint of beer and then made several visits to the men's toilet.

There he carefully removed a white urinal from the wall, stuffed it into a rucksack and was captured on closed circuit television walking out with the bulging sack on his back.

"He made a very, very expert job of dismantling it from the wall and turning the water off. A very professional job," landlord Alan Dreja said in a video posted on the Southampton Daily Echo newspaper's Web site.

A police spokesman said the thief may have been a tradesman.

"One of the theories is the guy is some sort of cut-price plumber who is going round and stealing parts to order," he said.

Linky.

[Indigo]

Quote

Cat gets bank credit approval

His owner has lots of free time on her hands.

[Mathias]

On another forum I go to, all the "hay guys check this cool link i found" stuff has a megathread. It doesn't need an entire subforum full of 3-reply threads. Yes, I'm talking about the Entertainment forum.

[CodeCat]

Quote

Keep People Out of Wash, Label Warns

DETROIT (AP) -- Don't clean your kids in the washing machine. Don't dry your cell phone in the microwave. And be sure not to read the phone book while driving. Those are among the winning entries in this year's Wacky Warning Label Contest, run by an anti-lawsuit group.

Backers of the right to sue have a warning of their own - don't be so quick to poke fun at labels, which help save lives. They say the contest is part of an effort to pass laws that shield businesses from liability for those they hurt.

The Wacky Warning contest winners were chosen from about 150 nominations received by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, said the group's president, Robert B. Dorigo Jones. The group picked five finalists, and callers to WOMC-FM's Dick Purtan show chose the winners.

The top vote-getter was a warning tag from a front-load washing machine.

"DO NOT put any person in this washer," it read.

Bob Wilkinson, the owner of a coin-operated laundry in Northville Township, a Detroit suburb, won $500 for the submission.

Wilkinson said he always wondered why the Huebsch Originators triple-load washer carried the warning and was told it was because of a suit over a death of someone inside a running washing machine.

"I've had little children who come in here and get into one of the dryers or the triple loaders," said Wilkinson, 66. "But nobody turns it on."

Americans are too eager to sue when something goes wrong, regardless of who's at fault, he said Friday.

"That company's trying to protect itself against some vicious lawsuit," he said.

A spokeswoman for the manufacturer said the washer warning label is far from wacky.

"A front loader is just at the right height - speaking now as a mother and not a corporate spokeswoman - for a 4-year-old," said Patti Andresen-Shew, marketing director for Alliance Laundry Systems LLC in Ripon, Wis.

She said there have been lawsuits filed against companies - "fortunately not ours" - after small children got into coin-operated laundry equipment and an older child started the machine.

The Center for Justice and Democracy, a group fighting legislation to limit the right to sue, said warning labels play a vital role in protecting the public.

"Often, it is only through lawsuits brought by injured consumers that manufacturers have been forced to place critical warning labels on dangerous products, saving millions of lives and preventing innumerable injuries," it said in a statement.

Warning labels are important, Dorigo Jones agreed, but he said unwarranted lawsuits lead to labels so bizarre that people ignore them.

"People are more likely to get hurt as lawsuit-driven labels get longer and more absurd," the contest organizer said.

Dorigo Jones wrote the 2007 book "Remove Child Before Folding: The 101 Stupidest Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever."

Second place went to a warning on a personal watercraft that said, "Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level."

There was a tie for third place between a statement on a Super Lotto ticket that said, "Do not iron," and a warning on a cell phone that said, "Don't try to dry your phone in a microwave oven."

Honorable mention went to a telephone directory with the cover statement, "Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle."

http://customwire.ap...-01-05-14-34-09

[Cozmo]

they are killers hahahaha

[Sgt. Nuker]

*Burries head in hands* While this is hilarious, I also find it quite sad that people don't think logically, and might have actually done what a warning label now suggests not to do.

[Soul]

*Agrees with Nuker*

[Areze]

It's pretty funny, what stupid people will do if you let them. :rotfll:

[CodeCat]

Quote

China Bans Reincarnation Without Government Permission

In one of history's more absurd acts of totalitarianism, China has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without government permission. According to a statement issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs, the law, which goes into effect next month and strictly stipulates the procedures by which one is to reincarnate, is "an important move to institutionalize management of reincarnation." But beyond the irony lies China's true motive: to cut off the influence of the Dalai Lama, Tibet's exiled spiritual and political leader, and to quell the region's Buddhist religious establishment more than 50 years after China invaded the small Himalayan country. By barring any Buddhist monk living outside China from seeking reincarnation, the law effectively gives Chinese authorities the power to choose the next Dalai Lama, whose soul, by tradition, is reborn as a new human to continue the work of relieving suffering.

At 72, the Dalai Lama, who has lived in India since 1959, is beginning to plan his succession, saying that he refuses to be reborn in Tibet so long as it's under Chinese control. Assuming he's able to master the feat of controlling his rebirth, as Dalai Lamas supposedly have for the last 600 years, the situation is shaping up in which there could be two Dalai Lamas: one picked by the Chinese government, the other by Buddhist monks. "It will be a very hot issue," says Paul Harrison, a Buddhism scholar at Stanford. "The Dalai Lama has been the prime symbol of unity and national identity in Tibet, and so it's quite likely the battle for his incarnation will be a lot more important than the others."

http://www.huffingto...n-_n_61444.html

[Soul]

That has got to be the dumbest thing China has ever done, seriously who the fuck do the think they are?

[Waris]

50 bucks says the next Dalai Lama is the reincarnation of Mao Zedong.

[Sgt. Nuker]

Soul, on 23 Aug 2007, 13:31, said:

seriously who the fuck do the think they are?

I believe the answer you're looking for is "God".

[Dauth]

And does no-one remember when this happened in European history, Popes and Anti-Popes, isn't religion fun kiddies?

http://uk.reuters.com/news/oddly

This should save a lot of effort

Quote

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Israeli police arrested a woman who stole a pair of Crocs shoes when she returned to the store hours later to exchange them because they did not fit her son, a police spokesman said on Friday.

"The store clerk identified her from security camera footage and called us," said Amos Shimoni, police spokesman in the northern town of Safed.

"Instead of exchanging the shoes for another pair, she exchanged them for a criminal record."

http://uk.reuters.co...oddlyEnoughNews

Edited by Dauth, 24 August 2007 - 10:38.

[Sgt. Nuker]

Yay for those who think the dollar can buy you everything. Their folly is their belief.

[Dauth]

Quote

BEIJING (Reuters) - A once drug-addled elephant fed heroin-laced bananas by illegal traders will soon return to the wild after being weaned off his addiction through methadone and round-the-clock care.

"Big Brother", a bull elephant that once "lived peacefully" with his herd near the China-Myanmar border in Yunnan province, was caught by traders in 2005, the China Daily said on Thursday.

"To control it so that it could lead the herd to where they wanted, the traders kept feeding it bananas laced with drugs," the paper said.

The traders, however, were caught trying to sell Big Brother and his herd after a tip-off to forest police.

By that time Big Brother had developed a raging heroin addiction and posed a danger to people if denied its fix, the paper said, citing police.

A drooling and twitching Big Brother had to be transported to a special park in the neighbouring island province of Hainan for treatment, after cold turkey proved so tortuous at a local centre that "even its iron chain could not contain it", the paper said.

After being diagnosed a heroin addict, park authorities in Hainan spent a year gradually weaning "Big Brother" off its dependence through methadone, regular bathing and massage.

Now clean, Big Brother will soon be returned home, the paper said.

http://forum.cncrene...c...115&t=10052

What the fuck? elephant on heroine


Edit much later avoiding dreaded double post

Dont work, have sex instead http://uk.reuters.co...mp;pageNumber=1

Quote

ULYANOVSK, Russia (Reuters) - The governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work on Wednesday and make love instead.

And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time -- on Russia's national day on June 12 -- she will qualify for a prize.


"It's normally something for the home -- a fridge or a television set," Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said.

"It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy."

Regional governor Sergei Morozov told employers to contribute to a Kremlin campaign to boost the birth rate by giving couples Wednesday off to have sex.

Russia wants to reverse a trend in which the population is shrinking by about 700,000 people a year as births fail to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism and suicide.

This is the third year Ulyanovsk region, famous as the birthplace of Soviet state founder Vladimir Lenin, has dedicated a day to encouraging couples to produce more babies.

Prizes will extend equally to unwed women who produce children on the right day, though the biggest prizes will go to married couples
On Russia Day this year, a family won a jeep after their fourth baby was born on the holiday.

This year a record 78 babies were born on June 12 at the main hospital in the regional capital of Ulyanovsk, beating the 2006 total of 26, said chief doctor Andrei Malykh.

"The scheme is working. People want the prizes," he said.

A mass wedding and special lessons for children at school on how to deal with having a brother or sister are also planned in Ulyanovsk city, which is about 900 km (560 miles) from Moscow.

This week First Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, a possible successor to President Vladimir Putin, said he wanted to stabilise the population at about 142 million by 2015 and boost it back to 145 million by 2025.

Edited by Dauth, 12 September 2007 - 09:05.

[CodeCat]

Quote

Nebraska Senator Sues God to Stop Terror Threats

Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers (D - Omaha) filed suit against God Friday, asking a court to order the Almighty and his followers to stop making terrorist threats.

The suit (.pdf), filed in a Nebraska district court, contends that God, along with his followers of all persuasions, "has made and continues to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons." Those threats are credible given God's history, Chambers' complaint says.

Chambers, in a fit of alliteration, also accuses God of causing "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like."

Likewise the suit accuses God of having his chroniclers "disseminate in written form, said admissions, throughout the Earth in order to inspire fear, dread, anxiety, terror and uncertainty, in order to coerce obedience to Defendant's will."

Chambers, who has represented Omaha, Nebraska since 1970, asked the Douglas County district court for summary judgment or to set a quick hearing date "if the Court deems such a hearing not to be a futile act."

The senator also wants the court to issue a permanent injunction prohibiting God from issuing plagues and terrorist threats. It's unclear how this could work since God is usually understood to be all powerful.

Chambers does admit that God is omnipresent and omniscient, however. Since God is everywhere, the Nebraska court has jurisdiction, Chambers argues, and since God is all-knowing, Chambers need not serve him with a notice of the lawsuit.

The lawsuit indicates that Chambers attempted to make God appear in order to serve him by saying "Come out, come out, wherever you are," but the Almight declined, like many defendants, to make it easy for a plaintiff to serve him with court papers.

Chambers filed the suit to make a point that the state constitution allows lawsuits to be filed for any reason, according to WOWT.

Attempts to reach Chambers for comment were unsuccessful.

God did not immediately respond to a non-denominational prayer for comment by this reporter.

The suit is Chambers v. God.

http://blog.wired.co...ska-senato.html

[Strategia]

That is the funniest thing I've read in ages :rotfll: