10 replies to this topic

[Whitey]

So me and this girl were in a stale relationship and I decided to give it up. However, I had no way of contacting her when I was away, there was no phone service... but while I was at camp, I had one prime piece of opportunity to ask out this one girl that I really like and I know won't have the same dull ending as the last... so I asked her out and got a yes. When I got home, I announced the end of my previous relationship. Although I was fairly certain it was dead anyway, I feel bad for having been cheating, if only for a few hours.

Should I have passed up this chance or done as I did? :wahhhhhaa:

[Overdose]

Considering you are FAR from getting married or engaged, things are pretty casual and not very serious at this period of your life. Therefore you should not feel guilty at all. In fact I'm surprised your looking for stable mid-length relationships as it shows your starting to be mature in the subject instead of taking the express buffet approach people take.

There's also the golden rule that if it's not serious (or if things are pretty dead) seeing other people outside your area code isn't technically considered cheating. You should feel quite content with the situation regarding the facts:

A)You successfully acknowledged it was time to move on (this can be extremely difficult for some)

B)You got what you wanted

C) You were the man and put the final nail on the coffin

D) You are wondering what did was wrong, which means your good conscience will be useful when your past your twenties.

What can I say more? Enjoy your new relationship.

Edited by Overdose, 02 July 2007 - 02:28.

[Whitey]

Well I appreciate the response, I still feel like I was cheating for a few hours and its nipping at me if only just a little. Its more that although the relationship was dead, it was never "officially" dead, it was more like a total abscense of any communication in any way at all for a prolonged period of time. But it also hit me that said time may have been too short (about 2 and a half weeks without any talk/email/anything) and maybe I fucked up...

Edited by Solo Wing, 02 July 2007 - 02:47.

[Sgt. Nuker]

Personally I would have taken another approach. Wait until I was home and end the relationship, and while I was at camp, I would have gotten the phone number of the girl I wanted to go out with. I'm assuming you live near the girl you just asked out, otherwise you wouldn't have considered a relationship. I guess I care too much about how people feel, or that I have an "over-active" conscience (if that's even possible), but I know that I'd have felt like a sleeze if I had asked someone else out while I was still technically going out with someone else. I take the Golden Rule very seriously, as the stuff I do to others quite frequently comes back to me. Legally, you've done nothing wrong, since you aren't married, but morally, you might have stretched the boundaries a bit.


Regards,

Nuker

[CodeCat]

I can't really say whether it's right or wrong cause that's a matter of your own judgement. Right and wrong are different from person to person, so it seems odd that you'd go with what we say regardless of your own opinion on the matter.

[CoLT]

Well if the relationship was stale... then it wasn't technically a relationship anymore. Yeah, it wasn't official, but it was still over. So, I think there's nothing wrong with what you've done.

[Wizard]

Morally you were wrong. Morals are a social construct. Society is fucked. So fuck morals!

Edited by Wizardofnoz, 02 July 2007 - 22:44.

[Nerdsturm]

It probable wasn't the most morally upright thing you could have done, but since I don't see how anyone could have been hurt by you not waiting it was still logically the best choice of action. I wouldn't really call it cheating either because all you did was ask the girl out(at least thats what it sounds like) and you clearly intended to tell your ex as soon as you could. Good luck with the new relationship.

Edited by Nerdsturm, 03 July 2007 - 02:52.

[Nexolate]

I'm not really a fountain of experience in this sort of matter; but considering you wanted to break it off, but physically couldn't, I don't really see the harm in asking someone else out during that time.

Morals may suggest otherwise though.

[Vaughan]

*~sigh~*, what is it with kids and girls these days?

Anyways.. Small relationships like these are the foundations for marraiges in life, they're a sort of "Test" of your abilities, mentally, disciplinairily, and emotionally. "Cheating" in this way is like a "White Lie". It only gets worse, after the first time, it seems like an innocent thing to do, but in the long run, it has an effect on your life.

You know the saying, "Good things come to those who wait"?

~V.

[CoLT]

And while you're waiting....

There's a religious teaching I know... "God helps those who help themselves"
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with what you did, Solo. You meant to break it off, so you weren't frivolously "cheating" as such... and you didn't go any further than simply asking her out, did you? If no, then nothing morally criminal has happened.