35 replies to this topic

[Nid]

Ive been feeling really crap for a good few days now, perhaps weeks. I have a good way of hiding it, but I need help;
I broke up with this girl just over a month ago, and we decided to just be friends. But ever since, our relationship has been deteriorating. And now I'm pretty sure she hates me, after a long series of arguments. The thing is, as much as I try and turn my back on her, the harder the pull is to bring me back on my knees, apolagising for everything. And Yesterday, I noticed that, not once has she accepted my apoligies, not once has she attempted to make things better, not once has she shown that she still likes me as a friend and not once has she said sorry and meant it. And she abuses me with sarcasm, words, and she abuses my trust alot. The thing is, every time I try to make her see what she is doing to me, we break into a massive argument. Now I don't see the point of her breaking up with me and deciding that we should be "best friends".
Infact the very reason she broke up with me, was because she THOUGHT she was abusing me, and didnt like doing it, But she wasn't.
I don't know what to do with her, because I just can't let her walk out of my life, but I can't stand arguing with her.

I admitt, I did some pretty harsh stuff to get back at her this last time. But I wish I didnt let my emotions get the better of me, I have no control.

And please, don't mistake this for me wanting to get back with her. I just want to get along.
I just wanted to know your thoughs on this, and what I should do.

[smooder]

She's got you where she wants you, from what I hear shes being very selfish. You've got to grow some Resistance to her and ignore her.
If she phones you then thats OK. If you see her then say hello.

But make her start the conversations.


She'll come round and stop with the bitchiness, or if she doesnt shes not worth it.

Girls are strange creatures but when they are like this you shouldnt give them the satisfaction of knowing that they are the boss.

So to sum up, passivley ignore her. If she doesnt stop then you shouldnt be friends.

Edited by Smooder, 31 August 2007 - 09:53.

[CoLT]

Well said, Smooder. Basically, if she doesn't ever come round then she's not worth it. Yes, it hurts. Yes, you feel guilty. But, you need to move on. Especially if she is trying to get back at you, you need to just keep living. Don't let it appear to be affecting you too much.

The worst thing you can do right now is dwell on it. You'll just feel worse. Look for a cure. Look for a way to move on.

[Whitey]

Here's some insightful thinking for you:

Act like you never went out in the first place.

[Overdose]

Smooder's right. She's playing you.

[Nid]

Yeah, I'll just try not to make contact with her.
its working so far...

[Prophet of the Pimps]

Let me Be clear when i Say this.

YOU CANT BE FRIENDS WITH THE GIRL YOU JUST BROKE UP WITH.

Its just not gonna happen. Subconsciously she is gonna find a million reasons to hate you to justify the break up. No matter what you do there will be a part of here that will hate you for a while. Your only hope. Wait for a few year a get a girlfriend or two. Then in the future you might bump into your ex and have nostalgic moment and decide to meet for lunch or something. This will end with either you getting scoring or getting in as a friend.

Also How old are you? if you are below 23 then forget about it. The break up is not your fault. It a young age and she is gone out fishing for new things. I suggest you do the same. At that age you should actually be scared of the one who want to settle down (Well i am anyways). So forget about. I know this sounds petty but try to score more then her. It egoist, its rude, its childsih but trust me it works in getting you back on your feet's.

[Athena]

I know a girl and a boy who broke up but are still friends. So it's not impossible. I think it'd feel a bit odd but they seem fine with it.

But yeah it seems maybe inside that girl you write about is maybe sad about it or has other reasons to act this way. I think it'd be best to just try to lay low a bit for a while (as others have posted).

[CoLT]

I know of situations too, where a couple remain friends after breaking up. The thing is, they were friends before. So unless you were good friends who decided to date, you can't really try to be friends and get along again, if you weren't friends at the start.

[Whitey]

My first relationship which as some of you know only lasted between late april and late june, ended by my word and we're as we were before we went out, acquaintances. I think she's cute/kind, she thinks I'm quiet yet funny, and we talk at occasional intervals. THat's about all it was and all it is.

Which leads me to believe this: If you are friends before a relationship, you shall remain friends afterwards.
If you are acquaintances, it shall remain.
If you have no relation prior to the relationship, well then, when it ends, you're pretty much fucked.

[Nid]

Well I guess I'd only known her for about 2 months before hand. Saying that, we were pretty good friends.
But from my experience, Pimp is right. Every other girl I've been out with that ended it as friends, never really talked to me again, but this last one kept talking to me after we broke up.
And to be perfectly honest, I was given a thousand reasons to hate her, I just didn't want to.
And I'm 16, Ive had my fair share of relationships, but none lasted more than 4 months.
So I was looking for something at least a year long. I guess I'm still young, but with me, I just want stuff to last.

[Overdose]

That's because most guys don't enjoy the whole 'let's still be friends' deal. If a guy asks a woman "let's be friends" it's pretty much like saying 'I hate you now but to be less rude I'll be discreet and I never want to see you again'. A woman can usually expect the same from a guy when she tells him that.

Btw Nid, 4 months for a 16 year old is like marriage. Enjoy your youth and go for the express buffet.. see more of the world you know?

[Whitey]

Express buffet is for the hungry over-indulgers. There's nothing wrong with a long-lasting relationship.

[Lord Atlantis]

Quote

4 months for a 16 year old is like marriage.

Then what is two years for a 16 year old? Because my best friend was dating someone for just over two years.

[Overdose]

Lord Atlantis, on 2 Sep 2007, 14:17, said:

Quote

4 months for a 16 year old is like marriage.

Then what is two years for a 16 year old? Because my best friend was dating someone for just over two years.

A life sentence.

[Dauth]

OK whats 6 years when it started when i was just turning 15, bear in mind i am now well over 21.

[Nid]

LOL
Youre all failing to understand it's not in the age.
It's in the people. How well you work as a couple.
Take my Parents for example, they first met when they we're 16 and 14, and They're still together well into their 40s.
They have lots of arguments, but theres always times you see that they still love each other.

[Vaughan]

Consider yourself lucky.. Lol.

~V.

[Overdose]

Dauth, on 2 Sep 2007, 16:47, said:

OK whats 6 years when it started when i was just turning 15, bear in mind i am now well over 21.

It's either just sad or you won the lotto.

[Nid]

In what way is it sad?
It prooves that youre mature enough for comittment earlier on in life.
If anything, Dauth has done extremely well there.

[CoLT]

I agree. Although, today, everyone is a little more frivolous and prefers to err... explore (for lack of a better work) instead of settling down with someone.

Unless you2 are REALLY compatible or something, it probably wont work out for the long term future. If it does, well done then.

[Prophet of the Pimps]

When it all breaks down to there is nothing magical about love. In the end it just boils down to a chemical reaction in your head. When you get older the urge to get settle down is ok but when you are young it shouldn't be the thing that dictates your life.

[General]

Prophet of the Pimps, on 3 Sep 2007, 17:16, said:

In the end it just boils down to a chemical reaction in your head.

Thank you for summarizing everything in the world with just one sentence /sarcasm/

[Prophet of the Pimps]

Its not simplification. Its just a fact. Love is temporary. People when they grow old stay together out of habit rather then love. Love was a creation of evolution to facility procreation. The main reason love even exists is so that the male would sticks around for a while helping out the family. We might evolve so that love becomes more integral to humans but in the current state it was an invention of nature out of necessity.I am not against love but i just hate it when people and grand illusions about it. So many stupid things have been done in the world in the name of love.Its not simplification. Its just a fact. Love is temporary. People when they grow old stay together out of habit rather then love. Love was a creation of evolution to facility procreation. The main reason love even exists is so that the male would sticks around for a while helping out the family. We might evolve so that love becomes more integral to humans but in the current state it was an invention of nature out of necessity.

I am not against love but i just hate it when people have grand illusions about it. So many stupid things have been done in the world in the name of love. You can be a hopeless romantic for all i care but dont let it consume you.

[Rayburn]

Prophet of the Pimps, on 3 Sep 2007, 18:16, said:

When it all breaks down to there is nothing magical about love. In the end it just boils down to a chemical reaction in your head.

Well said and I agree. It all reminds me of what Al Pacino said in "The Devil's Advocate"...
"Love is overrated. Biochemically, it's like eating large quantities of chocolate."

The feeling of happiness people receive from it is infact generated through processes in their brains. Hormones and stuff.
Strictly speaking, the "magic" people like to see in it has been made up as the human society developed. What we call love is just an evolutionary urge mankind covered with magical fairy dust to make it appear like something less basic. Something that makes us different from animals and that was accepted over time.

Edited by Rayburn, 03 September 2007 - 19:21.