6 replies to this topic

[Jok3r]

OK, this is seperate from my writing threads, and this will be slightly different from a traditional story, but it'll only work if I can get some help. All characters and names are fictional, except- I'm going to include people from here in the story. From the basic story arc I've got in mind, It's going to go all around the world. This post will include the prologue, and a request. Do we have any (currently located in) English, American, French, Chinese or Russians who would like to be featured in chapter two? All actions undergone by countries in this story, are not a reflection of my personal beliefs. Also, ATM I'm not so good at writing dialogue, (better at action) so if its awkward, sorry.

Chapter 1: September Air

Monday September 1st, 2008
4:00 AM EST, Brookline Mass.
A shrilling alarm went off, and Alex rolled over in bed. Why had he set the alarm so early, he wondered groggily. This was the day. Today, was his last swim practice before Nationals. The dream of every American High School swimmer. He was going... hell, he was expected to place high in breaststroke (his stroke). His practice wasn't until 5:00, and he only had to drive 5 minutes to the pool. However, he liked getting up early, drinking a cup of coffee, and watching the news... sometimes. This wasn't one of them. However, he knew he had to get into the habit of it, or he never would. Well, todays the day he thought. He walked downstairs, thinking about his girlfriend, and what he was going to say to her today (it was their anniversary). He flicked on the TV, and turned around to turn on the coffee machine. As the machine started preparing to feed his caffeine addiction, he turned around and read the headline flickering across the bottom of the screen. As he did, his, blood ran cold. It said- Bombs Over Paris. What the f---

Thats just the prologue, so its going to be short. Comment, and tell me if you would like to be featured- you can also leave a name you'd like to be under.
I can't post the next chapter until I get a couple comments.
~SLG

[Goddess_41214]

Hey! Me want to be part of uber cool story extravaganza!
Names: Illavyn, Christianne (Chrissie,) Laurie, Bella, whichever suits best!

~ polychrome

P.S. Have an Iris! (They're my fave)

[Jok3r]

Couldn't resist, could you? Just to note, the small pictures are fine, but when you go big like that, it can get distracting. I was going to add you anyway, but this is good. Any one else who want's to be in it, please also post your country
~SLG

[Cuppa]

It feels very... plain. You just need adjectives.

[Jok3r]

Yeah, I know. That first chapter was supposed to seem a bit like that, until I get the action coming. The first action scene should be only a chapter or two away, and thats already (kind of) planned. It should get a lot better soon.
~SLG

[blacknapalm]

I think thats a perfect start Swim. Youve got a nice style and its simple but effective and easy to read.

You DONT need any more adjectives. Good writers have a free flowing easy to read style, ie check Thomas Harris [silence of the lambs, red dragon] to see a great write who dosnt overload the reader with unnessecary clutter.

Only fantasy writers go overboard on all the over the top descriptions ie 'he sighed like a hissing tea kettle as he painstackingly hauled himself out of the bed which was as warm and soft as a virgin maiden' LOL

[Penguin_Pyromaniac]

Decent. It could use more details in the narrative, but it works well.
The story sounds a lot like 9/11, though.