While I may or may not be voting in the Republican primaries, I definitely won't be voting in the Presidential election(I consider voting both immoral and pointless).
So, without further ado, here is my rundown of the Republican contenders as of early February 2012:
-Rick Santorum: Turd. I'd almost rather vote for Obama.
-Mitt Romney: Turd who has a chance of winning.
-Everyone who dropped out: Turds.
-Ron Paul: Least of many evils, but still way too moderate for my tastes, and he's anti-abortion. Will need a miracle to win. Will need a miracle several orders of magnitude larger to make any difference while in office. In short: a turd.
-Newt Gingrich: The turd I'm voting for. Will do the best job as nation's feces-flinger in chief.
Let me explain my choice: I find Newt's platform only the slightest bit more palatable than anyone else's(save Paul), but I find him much more charismatic. It's like the difference between Mephistopheles and the common cold; sure, the common cold kills far more people, but it's just so mundane and it lacks the dramatic, theatrical flare of a devil. At least one could say Satan(yes, I know, not the same thing as Mephisto) is great in his evil - there's some honour in losing to him. But there isn't anything exciting about being defeated by stagnation and decay-an overwhelming mediocrity. That's just depressing no matter what angle you look at it from. I like him because he cheated on his wife while she was dying of cancer. I like him because he supports neutron bombs. I like him because he's a corrupt demagogue and Washington insider. I like him for the same reasons that everyone else hates his guts.
And I mean really, you're picking someone whose job it is to kill tens of thousands, steal trillions, and kidnap millions every year, and you want someone who isn't a ruthless mean-spirited sonuvabitch?
So if Romney wants my vote, he better come out tomorrow promising to punch every orphan in the nation and start carpet-bombing China with nukes, all while cackling maniacally.
Here's my list of who is most likely to win the election(assuming they win the primary):
1:Obama
2:Romney
3:Gingrich
4:Santorum
Factoring in the chance of winning the primary:
1:Obama
2:Romney
3:Santorum
4:Gingrich
We're in for a shit sandwich no matter what.
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