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[Lance The Maverick]

The following is like a chunk out of my National Novel Writing Month submission. Please enjoy. Critique and character ideas are definantly welcome. ^_^

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Alaskan/Canadian Border, 2147 Hours Local Time, D-13 Encampment

January, 23rd
Winter seems to make everything just seem emptier and colder. There seems to be no life. It was a bitter and cold place before but, now it has that foreboding air that seems to promise death no matter where we look. What life was shown in this struggling land was no doubt swiftly ended by the icy winds from the cold north. Those scouts that have come back have reported that the land doesn’t get any better. The beasts are out there waiting for us. Waiting for us to succumb to the cold that’s drawing our strength from us every day it seems. What was once seen as a chance for adventure from the cadets is now a place of dread and despair. Morale is low yet the Captain insists that we must be vigilant at all times and not let down our guard. Yet every day more and more people complain feeling that this campaign is stupid, that the government sent us on a wild goose chase, that we’re simply being wasted for no good reason. The mages and psychics are in their own little corner, the freaks that they are. They claim their powers are used for the greater good of the D-13. Hah, they haven’t been any help yet.

My only wish is to see my wife and child before Brianna turns eleven. She’s a sweet little girl, and I always give a smile whenever she laughs or does something that you can’t help but want to call cute. Shift change is called I’m not looking forward to it standing in that Alaskan chill in the dead of the night. The beasts probably have us surrounded and the Captain has us set in a defensive camp. We have no chance out of here just praying for reinforcements to come in.

Corporal Richard Lancaster
D-13 Unit ‘Black Tigers’

The journal closed now as people began to make their way into the temporary shelter that was set up from APC supplies. The APC having long given out because of the cold freezing up the battery blocks. Not good. They couldn’t drive their way out and something out there had picked off three or four scouts that had been sent to scout the terrain in hopes of anyone nearby with a radio. Everyone felt that tingling feeling of being watched. Captain Wallace having already insisted that they assume a defensive position. The supplies had been wearing down since this was only supposed to be a short-term recon mission. Yet here they were with dwindling supplies and what few operatives that had magic or psychic abilities were quiet. The psychics claiming that their powers were being blocked by something. Most of the people here were green horns the only real veterans of the Black Tigers being Captain Wallace and the Sergeants it seemed. Even the two Lieutenants that commanded the companies were fresh from some military academy.

“Is there anything out there?” Richard asked Tabony the sharpshooter for the evening watch who only shrugged and shook his head.

“Only thing I saw was a damn elusive snowshoe rabbit but, that’s about it,” came the gruff reply of Jackson Tabony whose rich southern accent was quite evident. Richard chuckled for a moment as he shrugged on a heavier jacket.

“Hey Rich,” Jackson said for a moment and Richard paused looking over his shoulder as he zipped the jacket.

“What is it?”

“Be careful out there I thought I saw something bigger moving, about the size of a bear I wasn’t able to get a better look with it keeping to the shadows.” Came the soft-spoken warning and Richard blinked for a moment wondering what got him worked up.

“Well hell if it’s just a bear, what’s the worry?”

“It was watching.” He replied with a frown as he shook his head. “Ah forget about it could just be nerves from staying in that bloody cold all the time.”

A chuckle was all Jackson got as Richard went out and took his assumed post at his corner of the camp. It wasn’t much of a post just a designated corner. The winds howling a bit more then usual as the snowfall cut off a lot of view tonight. How were they supposed to stand watch if they could barely see thirty meters ahead of themselves? Richard shook his head for a moment. If you asked him he thought the Captain had just lost a marble or two for staying out here and waiting for so long but, he’d humor the guy. His assault rifle was in hand and even with the gloves he could feel that the metal was cold. Heck he was cold himself from just standing out here for a few minutes. The shelter and tents for what it was worth were a heck of a lot warmer. Still he began to make those casual sweeps of his eyes occasionally having to wipe his snow goggles. A howl echoed through the chilling air causing the hair to rise on his neck for a moment.

Hell it’s just a wolf. Though what the hell one is doing out in a night like this is beyond me.

Another howl was heard almost as if it was answering the first. Followed by another howl which seemed to be responded to by a third one? A whole pack was on the prowl? He blinked for a moment. Heck it was just wolves and if they were hunting or doing something they could be taken out. Just a reliable shot from his M16 and he’d show the thing who was boss. Yeah, revenge for the thing unsettling him with the howls that he and his buddies were emitting. Still something was bothering him as another howl was emitted. It sounded like…

Like it was getting closer to the camp with each progressive howl that was given off by the wolves as they made their hunting rounds.

Why would wolves go near human encampments? Aren’t they more or less afraid of the stuff we ha…

He never got to finish his thought as a deep snarl was heard in front of him. A wolf the size of a bear was running towards him its eyes were hell incarnate. A scream from somewhere was heard followed by the sound of sporadic gunfire. Howling war cries emitted from these large wolves as they attacked the encampment viciously. Tearing through the place like a hot knife through butter as they killed off the unsuspecting defenders and what little resistance they had. Gunfire echoed through the air both automatic and semi-automatic as people tried to defend themselves. Endless screams were heard as people died only occasionally broken by the shrieks of one of the large wolves being injured or killed outright. An explosion rocked the knight as someone misused a grenade in the paralysis of fear. Richard wouldn’t be seeing his family.

Roughly half a kilometer away someone was smiling. This indeed had gone smoothly with the D-13 wretches killed off with brutal efficiency. He gave off a wicked laugh that cut through the air as the snowstorm was slowly dying down. The laugh was a haunting and echoing laugh that could chill the souls of even the bravest of men. This ambush had been carried out perfectly.

Across the globe somebody woke to that laugh trembling and in a cold sweat.

Arcane Academy, 9:04 PM Local Time

Audric bolted awake in a cold sweat. He clutched his chest and coughed a couple times a stirring form beside him waking up to his sudden movement. Tavia opened her sweet little eyes the pure blue eyes always a welcome sight to him. He was lucky that he was her fiancé. Ok perhaps not by luck since her parents were attracted to his family’s wealth. Still she awoke and looked up at him with concern in her eyes. Tavia was a para-human, having cat-ears and a short fluffy tail. She rubbed her eyes sleepily as she sat up and nuzzled Audric gently like an oversized kitten.

“What’s wrong?” the soft little voice that had only showed him affection. She had mistrusted him at first because of what his family had done. Yet they were truly making an effort now to make this succeed. She rubbed his back gently and Audric shook his head.

“Something…bad is happening…somewhere…” Audric said quietly as Tavia pushed him back to where he was laying down and reached over for his inhaler giving him a look. A look that said do not argue with her. He gave a small sigh for a moment as he accepted the inhaler and took a small puff for a moment. He held his breath as he let the foul-tasting medicine work into his system. A lung condition developed from living in the smog-filled air of London. A small intense light focused at Tavia’s fingertips as she pressed her fingers into his chest. That was something else he was lucky about. Tavia was a healer where he was a necromancer and in tune with the dead. An interesting match-up to say the least as Audric felt relief flooding into his chest his muscles no longer tightly clenching and making it hard to breathe.

“Better?” Tavia asked sweetly as Audric gave a smile.

“Physically at least the dream bothers me. It felt real as if a desperate last warning was sent out.” Audric said quietly as he leaned back against the pillows and slipped an arm around her delicate waste. His pale white hair was sweat-covered for a moment as if he had taxed his mana to the limit. Was he the only one who had gotten this warning? Were there others waking up to that horrible laugh? More importantly was the dream real or just some hoax form an illusionist who wanted a good-time. Or maybe it was those students dabbling in Dream Weaving. Neither he would be surprised about if it wasn’t for the fact that it felt too real. It was as if he could still feel the icy colds of whatever land that represented.

“Perhaps you should see Professor Oki? I heard she’s a Master Dream Weaver. Perhaps she could tell you the meaning of it,” Tavia suggested as she ran one delicate hand through his hair for a moment relaxing him even more. That was a thought. Oki as her name was known would be better able to shed some light from this all. Or perhaps that other healer kid that was gaining reputation around the school. He frowned for a moment as he closed his eyes. He’d consider this in the morning, after he was asleep. Tavia was warm and cozy, he was reluctant to leave bed, and running to someone over a dream just didn’t sit well with Audric’s frame of mind. It would make him feel like an idiot if it was nothing important and if it was important then hell he’d endure the rant that someone would give him. That little rant about not keeping information secret that could be important yatta, yatta, the whole boring speech thing. He did not feel like dealing with it at the moment as he closed his eyes. Tavia settled back in against him and Audric didn’t dream this time. Just dreamless sleeps was what he was falling into but, as he fell deeper and deeper into the blanket of sleep he could still hear that laughter. Still hear it.

D-13 Headquarters “Area-51”, Somewhere in Nevada, 0732 Local Time

Colonel Donnovan Barkley stared at the report for a moment with a look that said someone was going to die as he studied it more and more. The messenger a mere orderly of some unknown rank and name to the Colonel was fidgeting as Donnovan looked over the report. The more he stared at it the more he wanted to jab a knife in someone’s ass to figure out who was responsible for this screw up. An entire D-13 investigation unit completely destroyed and some chauvinistic prick even told them where the unit’s remains could be found. The ass even included some self-righteous letter saying that some bull crap ‘revolution’ had begun.

…from the glory of the defeat of your pitiful force many will hear of it and realize that you are nothing more then mere pawns in this world. Ancient powers will remove you from this world. I hope the demons of hell fester on your souls you spineless…

*RIP*

The orderly looked up realizing that he wasn’t doomed or getting the tail-end of the Colonel’s rant. He was calmly ripping apart the letter which had been written upon thick parchment. The orderly blanched at the Colonel’s casual brutal response on what he would classify as a terrorist letter. The ex-Army Ranger always had that threatening air to him. The only reason the Pentagon even appointed the man was because of his brutal efficiency and the fact that he didn’t bat an eyelash if someone threw something like a fireball with their bare hands. People weren’t invincible even with this magic crap and Donnovan was just the kind of man to ensure that they were taken down a few notches with a bullet in their egos. Very calmly he crumbled the ripped remains of the parchment and just as detachedly put it in his ash tray. Just as calmly he opened a bottle of whiskey and took a swig of it before saturating the parchment in the strong alcohol. To finish the top with that same casual air he lit a match by striking it across his desk and dropping it on the alcohol soaked flames. The alcohol soaked parchment ignited a flare up showing instantly. It was for this reason that nobody ever changed the batteries of the Colonel’s smoke detector. He’d set the whole place on alert with these responses of his.

“Ritter was it?” The gruff Texan voice asked as he stared at the man. Barkley scratched the stubble on his chin for a moment. A middle-aged ex-Vietnam and ex-Gulf War veteran who scared the crap out of those under him no matter what he did. Pepper gray hair covered his head he didn’t mind showing he was old. In fact he relished people thinking he was an invalid so he could shove his boot up their ass.

“Y-y-yes sir,” was the stammered response of the young man a recent recruit who had impressed someone upstairs. The man probably kissed someone’s ass at the right time in Barkley’s opinion but, he grinded through different orderlies to keep the meat fresh. He didn’t like the fact that this one was a spineless coward who looked like he was about to wet himself.

“Get me 2nd Lieutenant Shaw and 1st Lieutenant Wright on the double. Oh and get that scared kitten look off your face before I throw you into some god-forsaken pit to give you some real fear,” he growled the orderly squeaking and running out the office before Barkley acted on that threat. It was his style and the big-wigs who sat at their cozy desks only overlooked it because the man delivered results and fast. Revolution was what these bastards wanted? Well then Barkley was certainly not going to back off from the blatant party invitation. Quite the opposite he was going to greet whatever killed that unit with a fury that not even a woman’s scorn could supposedly match. Was he imitating hell? Nah Barkley made the devil look like a kitten according to those who served under him in the field. He drummed his fingers against the desk. How did an entire unit get wiped out? Barkley personally ensured that these units were typically combat ready. The team was adequately supplied why couldn’t they have simply busted their way out? He drummed his fingers impatiently against the desk almost like a staccato sort of beat that one would associate with automatic fire.

Knock. Knock.

“Enter,” came Barkley’s response as he turned away from the smoldering ashes of the letter. Nobody threatened the D-13 and got away with it. Barkley was going to make sure that whoever did this to one of the teams that were under his command was going to suffer dearly. Dead by his hand if it could be arranged but, he’d accept an alternative if it ensured that they were dead; after all it is always said revenge is a dish best served cold. The door opened and two beautiful women stepped in.

The first was Jane Wright the CO of the Crimson Guard unit. An elite assassination and counter-terrorism force that Barkley had assembled by his hand. The Italian-descent beauty was as sexy as she was deadly being in expert in several close-combat techniques that ensured quick deaths. Her rich raven hair cascaded down to her hips almost beckoning for someone to touch her. Jane’s tan complexion was something she could carry even in the dead of winter and had that forbidden fruit sort of appeal that drove half of the men wild from what he heard. It was something they would have to groan over since Wright was a lesbian. He didn’t care about her past he just wanted results and she delivered it without question.

The second was Emily Shaw the XO of the same unit and an ex-member of the Navy SEALS kicked off because of her attitude and violent responses to men touching her. She was a purist or whatever the hell that meant yet men were tempted every day by her vibrant white hair. Dyed obviously since there were streaks of blonde that showed in it but, one could not deny the overall appeal that it had. Her skin utterly pale in comparison and she never tanned no matter where she went. Rumors abound said that Emily was a vampire but, Barkley himself saw her on a Californian beach in nothing more then a bikini. She was far from unnatural.

Two pairs of eyes were studying him silently just waiting for the word to go in and raise hell wherever there was trouble. One set of eyes was hazel the other set of eyes was brown. Both of the women were staring at him intently. Just standing their like statues in front of his desk waiting for the command to kill so they could go back to whatever they did in their off-time. Barkley liked the fact that they were impatient. They showed results quickly even if it did mean damage control on the government’s behalf when they go through with it.

“You both know why you are here,” Barkley stated evenly.

“Because you need us to kill someone,” the seductive voice of Wright sounded whose delicate little purr was like a cat on the prowl. The kind of prowl that often ended in death for whatever the feline was stalking.

“Someone screwed up and we get to clean up.” Emily squeaked happily. That was the freaky part about the girl. Nobody expected her to have that peppy cheerleader kind of voice associated with that kill-all air that she carried about her.

“About eight hours ago we got news of a team that had been holed up in the Alaskan/Canadian border region investigating a rupture disturbance. The psychic called it a rupture but, we never did figure out if that was true or not since we have no reports. Regardless the Black Tigers were dispatched on what was thought to be a routine assignment where we’d close the rupture to ensure those beasties didn’t gain a foothold on American soil. The answers are sketchy but, we did get this…” Barkley pushed a copy of the threat letter towards them with a casual push of his hand. Emily picked it up and studied it before handing it to Jane who glanced at it as well.

"Naughty little critters,” Emily chirped in that cute little voice. “Naughty little critters who need to suffer retribution.” She almost sang.

“So you’re sending us in to ensure whatever took them out doesn’t offer a repeat show for us.” Jane said softly as she set the letter down on his desk.

“Why else would I call you two?” Barkley growled slightly. “As I recall it is suicide for a man to be in the same room as you two especially if one is pissed off.”

“Awwww Colonel you’re safe from us you give us the fun work,” Emily said with a cute smile while fingering the butt of a pistol. Barkley felt that familiar shiver go down his spine whenever Emily touched the butt of her pistol. It was a feeling that he intensely disliked. That little spine-tingling moment of vulnerability going through his mind and affecting Barkley’s judgment in a situation. Barkley didn’t like that feeling one bit; especially when it was coming from someone who technically worked under him. He shook his head for a moment and glanced at Jane who only gave him that half-hearted shrug. He never could get a straight answer from those two on why they never considered killing him. Then again perhaps that was a question that was better left unanswered. Curiosity killed the cat and Barkley was going to make sure it didn’t kill him. After all wasn’t that what underlings were for?

[Futschki]

O_O

[Lance The Maverick]

...

I don't think O_O is an answer. o.o;;;

Or maybe you liked?

[General]

I think he surprised to its lenght

[Futschki]

I didnt read All Of It ... Ive Got Surprised Of Its Length

[Lance The Maverick]

....

*sniffs*

But, the final submission is only 50,000 words...

AKA about fourteen times longer then this...

[Short Stuff]

It's good to see someone who doesnt mind typeing, or writeing extremely long essay's, i love writeing essay's, hate work sheets....


i like it, your a very well thought out writer, and um...50,000 words?

hard...i know, but wait till you get into the 100 thousands XD

[Mathias]

I'm gonna read this later and give you some proper feedback, because I know how much it sucks to have your hard efforts ignored like that.

[Lance The Maverick]

Whee but, my goal is 150,000. NaNo just requires 50,000 I really want to make this a good book. ^_^

Thanks for the compliment Short.

And yes I love getting critique for my work!

Edited by Maverick, 24 November 2006 - 08:59.

[Comr4de]

Well I'm glad I have a load of time between classes, this basically saved my morining

Well I just have to say - the writing is very entertaining, and got me into it very quickly, I'm actually wanting to know more about the story and the characters you've created, very well written. The only thing that got me off guard was that at first I thought this was a future world with some real aspects, then "...the mages and psychics are in their own little corner, the freaks that they are." which confirmed how this world is set about, later on you mention the Pentagon and Area 51 which I'm guessing makes this in a timebase an alternative present. I dont know but it was a bit sudden for me, but after that you get the assumption that this world is fantasitcal set in the present. Awsome job =D

Edited by C0|V|R4DE, 28 November 2006 - 16:50.

[Shirou]

Really cool, I havent seen much real fiction or fanfiction in here. Mostly poems and stuff. Glad to see someone finally posting something like that.

Quote

The first was Jane Wright the CO of the Crimson Guard unit. An elite assassination and counter-terrorism force that Barkley had assembled by his hand. The Italian-descent beauty was as sexy as she was deadly being an expert in several close-combat techniques that ensured quick deaths. Her rich raven hair cascaded down to her hips almost beckoning for someone to touch her. Jane’s tan complexion was something she could carry even in the dead of winter and had that forbidden fruit sort of appeal that drove half of the men wild. It was something they would have to groan over since Wright was a lesbian. He didn’t care about her past he just wanted results and she delivered it without question.

Great, magical. the best part of the story. This reads so quickly and it is so good. I have to point out the little mistakes in it.

The last sentence.

Quote

It was something they would have to groan over since Wright was a lesbian. He didn’t care about her past he just wanted results and she delivered it without question.

After reading the whole end you will understand that 'He' is Barkley. But right after the comment that Wright is a lesbian. The He wil refer to that sentence and will refer to Wright.. you will have to replace the 'He' with Barkley or something else that personalizes him.

In needs to be replaced with an. I have marked it in the quote.

Quote

expert in several close-combat techniques that ensured quick deaths

This suggest her close combat techniques ensure her to die quickly, and multiple times oO ...better replace the 'deaths' with 'kills'.

The 'from what he heard' could be moved out. It is an unnecessary part after such a long description (and not to mention Extremely good descriptioni) of her features.

Edited by Shirou, 29 November 2006 - 21:48.