1469 replies to this topic

[Alias]

Necrons as the image.

[Chyros]

Canadian Parliament: ‘Canada Will Never Become a Safe Haven for Zombies’


social media ramifications of Marco Rubio's water sip and Ted Nugent's State of the Union seat placement, their neighbors to the north were debating more serious issues, like a potential zombie apocalypse.

The "debate" started with a speech by New Democratic Parliament Member Pat Martin, during which he challenged Foreign Minster John Baird's preparedness for any zombie invasion.

"I rise today to salute the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta for putting in place emergency measures in an effort to deal with the possibility of an invasion of zombies. I don't need to tell you, Mr. Speaker, that zombies don't recognize borders and that a zombie invasion in the United States could easily turn into a continent-wide pandemic if it's not contained. So on behalf of concerned Canadians everywhere, Mr. Speaker, I want to ask the minister of Foreign Affairs if he's working with his American counterparts to develop an international zombie strategy so that a zombie invasion does not turn into a zombie apocalypse."
Half of the Canadian Parliament gave Martin a standing ovation before Baird responded.

"Mr. Speaker, I want to assure all Canadians that I am 'dead-icated' to ensure that this never happens," Baird said. "I want to say to this member and through him to all Canadians that under the leadership of this Prime Minster Canada will never become a save haven for zombies ever!"

Despite their problems earlier today, it looks like Canada finally did something right.



http://gawker.com/59...ven-for-zombies

Edited by Wizard, 15 February 2013 - 14:47.

[Wizard]

Who posts something using #FFF0F5 as the font colour?

[Chyros]

Wizard, on 15 February 2013 - 14:47, said:

Who posts something using #FFF0F5 as the font colour?

[Chyros]

Belarus jails guard over Swedes' teddy bear drop

A border guard on duty when a Swedish plane flew over Belarus last summer to drop hundreds of pro-democracy teddy bears has been jailed for failing to stop the stuffed-animal assault. On Monday, the Belarus Supreme Court sentenced the guard to two years imprisonment in a maximum security facility for failing to report that a small aircraft had crossed into Belarusian airspace from neighbouring Lithuania on July 4th, 2012.

The plane, piloted by two employees of Swedish PR agency Studio Total, flew for more than an hour in restricted Belarusian airspace, managing to drop hundreds of teddy bears carrying pro-free speech slogans over the town of Ivyanets.


"We made it to the southwestern part of Minsk and dropped about two-thirds of our teddy bears there, but started heading back early after we got a call on the radio in Russian," Studio Total's Tomas Mazetti, who piloted the plane, told The Local at the time.

"The rest we threw out sporadically along the way, including several over Ivyanets."

While authorities in Belarus at first denied that the stunt took place, several Ivyanets residents told of seeing an airplane fly over the town and a number of the pro-democracy teddy bears were later recovered on the ground.

Videos of the incident shot from the plane's cockpit as well as from the ground in Belarus were also later published on the internet.



The incident generated headlines around the world and sparked in a diplomatic spat, with Belarus expelling Sweden's diplomats and recalling its own diplomats from Stockholm.

Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko fired two generals following the teddy bear drop, and a Belarusian journalist was detained for several weeks after publishing images of the stuffed animals on his blog.

Studio Total carried out the stunt to draw attention to Belarusian opposition groups such as Charter 97 and "Tell the Truth!" which are fighting for free speech in Belarus - a country ruled since 1994 by president Alexander Lukashenko, who is often referred to as "Europe's last dictator".

The name and rank of the jailed border guard was not released.

http://www.thelocal....9/#.USQHw6Xgk1J

[Chyros]

Yellowknife man finds knife blade in his back three years after stabbing

A Yellowknife man discovered what turned out to be a knife blade that had been stuck in his flesh for almost three years.

YELLOWKNIFE—A Northwest Territories man was just scratching what he thought was an annoying old itch earlier this week when it turned out to be a knife blade that had been buried in his flesh for almost three years.
“I jumped in a cab and went straight to emergency,” said Billy McNeely, 32.
The story goes back to an April 2010 birthday party in McNeely’s home town of Fort Good Hope, N.W.T. McNeely said a fight broke out between himself and another man over an arm-wrestling contest that ended up with McNeely being stabbed five times.



“They stitched me up and bandaged me up,” said McNeely. “They never took X-rays.”
Ever since, McNeely has had a lump in his back where the knife went in. Doctors and nurses told him nerves had been damaged in the stabbing.

But the old wound never stopped nagging.
“I always had back pains. There was always a burning feeling with it.”
The injury was constantly itchy and irritated. It set off metal detectors. That was explained away as a metal fragment that had lodged in his bone.

On Monday, while McNeely and his girlfriend were asleep in bed, the pain came back.
“I sat up, I tried to rub it and scratch it the way I always did, and then the tip of my nail caught a piece of something solid, something sharp. “My girlfriend got up and she started playing around with it and she manoeuvred my back in a certain way and the tip of a blade poked out of my skin.”

Doctors dug out a blade measuring about seven centimetres long.
“I’ve got it in my pocket right now,” he said.
McNeely said he’s recovering well and doesn’t seem to have suffered any permanent damage, despite the physical work he does as a carpenter.

But he’s not happy with the way he was treated by the N.W.T.’s health system. He said he explained his problems numerous times to doctors and nurses, but nobody ever thought to get to the bottom of his complaint.
“I walked around for close to three years with this thing in my back,” he said. “They brushed me off.”
McNeely said he’s considering a lawsuit against the health centre in Fort Good Hope, where he originally went after he was stabbed.

sauce http://www.thestar.c...r_stabbing.html

Edited by Chyros, 22 March 2013 - 12:42.

[TheDR]

http://technabob.com...er-40k-costume/



Pretty damn amazing :o

[Krieger22]

http://www.thesun.co...udi-Arabia.html

Quote

BARMY officials have booted three male tourists out of Saudi Arabia - for being TOO HANDSOME.

[General]

TheDR, on 24 April 2013 - 16:22, said:

http://technabob.com...er-40k-costume/



Pretty damn amazing :o

Indeed it is, but Imperial Fist ? they should've done Blood Ravens, as if the dozen games about them were not enough

Krieger22, on 25 April 2013 - 09:27, said:

http://www.thesun.co...udi-Arabia.html

Quote

BARMY officials have booted three male tourists out of Saudi Arabia - for being TOO HANDSOME.

Why people over there didn't riot yet?

[Destiny]

Man doesn't that guy feel super clunky or extremely hot?

Edited by Destiny, 28 April 2013 - 02:03.

[Chyros]

http://www.thelocal....8/#.UX5g_LVwoTp

Quote

Pensioners charged over Iron Maiden revenge



A 71-year-old woman and her 81-year-old husband grew so tired of the noises emanating from their neighbour that they took revenge by booming Iron Maiden at top volume.

The couple now face a charge of harassment for their late night heavy metal music habits, according to a report in the Aftonbladet daily.

"The harassment has just carried on, I am completely broken down. How can I keep living here," the neighbour said in police interviews.

The noisy dispute continued throughout the winter with the pensioners booming music from their terraced house in the Stockholm area until as late as 4am, the newspaper reported.

The police were moved to act and arrived at the house to find that the elderly couple had placed a music system on the balcony, pointed at the neighbour and playing Iron Maiden's "Afraid to shoot strangers" at top volume.

The police furthermore found another music system in the cellar directed towards the neighbour's bedroom wall.

The elderly couple are reported to have taken revenge on their neighbours, who had only recently moved in, due to a 'whistling sound' coming from their property.

The septuagenarian metal connoisseur argued in police interviews that she had been forced to take sleeping pills in order to overcome the noise.

"We wanted to give a taste of their own medicine," her husband said.

Svedish Metal?

[Alias]

LOL!

[General]

"The police furthermore found another music system in the cellar directed towards the neighbour's bedroom wall"

[Chyros]

Quote

Police called for fornicating frogs

Jeff and Debbie Alsip's backyard koi pond becomes a singles' club for frogs each spring, as amorous amphibians gather there to sound their mating call. This year, a neighbor called police about the noise.

A neighbor called police complaining Debbie Alsip was jamming out to loud music, but it turned out to be the neighborhood frogs who were getting down.

Twice this month a neighbor has called Baraboo police to complain about loud music coming from the backyard of Debbie and Jeff Alsip’s Rivercrest Drive home. The responding officer found the culprits weren’t the Alsips, but frogs sounding mating calls at full throat. Among amorous amphibians, the Alsips’ koi pond is Baraboo’s answer to Studio 54.

“Every spring, this happens,” Debbie Alsip said. “It has woke (sic) us up before, if we have our windows open.”

Alsip said the frogs emit a loud, shrill sound as they seek out mates. When officer Mike Pichler arrived Sunday, he found about a dozen frogs at the pond. He saw a couple of them develop large bulges in their throats as they croaked to one another, and spotted one pair of horny toads mating. “You don’t see that many frogs at one time unless they’re mating,” Alsip said.

A neighbor whose back yard abuts the Alsips’ claimed the couple was pumping in music for ambience, and the noise was interrupting his sleep.

Pichler reported he could hear the noise from his parked squad, but soon learned the mood music wasn’t of the Alsips’ making. He explained the situation to their neighbor, who felt the Alsips should shoo the frogs along.

Debbie Alsip has lived at the home since 1981. In 1994 she added the 8-foot-by-8-foot pond, which typically is home only to 11 koi — domesticated Japanese carp — and a goldfish. But each spring, female frogs come to find Mr. Right and lay their eggs.

Alsip pleads not guilty to aiding and abetting amphibious action.

“I don’t know how I’m encouraging them,” she said about the neighbor’s complaints. “If he thinks I’m going to catch them and take them out, he’s crazy.”

Sauce: http://www.wiscnews....19bb2963f4.html

Also,

Quote

5 bank hits in single day

A persistent bandit held up five Manhattan banks yesterday and made off with piles of cash from two, cops said.

The biggest score — $12,900 — came at 2 p.m. at the Capital One branch at Fifth Avenue and 37th Street on the crook’s last job of the day, police sources said.

The football fan allegedly simulated possessing a gun and threatened a teller, all while wearing a New York Jets T-shirt under his leather jacket.

“You got 30 seconds to gimme everything!” he snarled, according to police sources.

The spree began at 12:50 p.m. at the Chase branch at Broadway and West 96st Street. He walked away empty-handed.

He hit the Chase branch at Broadway and West 61st at 1:15 p.m. but struck out there, too, cops said.

He did get $2,500 from the Capital One on West 57th and Sixth at 1:30 after yelling, “Gimme all the money from the drawers! No dye pack!” and gestured like he had a gun in his waistband, the sources said.

But he struck out again at the Bank of America at 57th and Fifth five minutes later.

The teller ignored him when he demanded cash and when the teller whispered to a co-worker, he got spooked and fled.

He then moved on to his big final score.

Police said the same man successfully robbed two banks April 12 — the Sovereign branch at Third Avenue and East 45th Street and the Chase on Third Avenue and 65th.

A law-enforcement source was stunned at the bank robber’s tireless work ethic.

“Five [bank] jobs in one day. Maybe a North American record!” the source said.

Cops said the robber is white, stands about 5-foot-11 and weighs around 190 pounds.

Sauce: http://www.nypost.co...kH58kbM4euZpyeJ

Edited by Chyros, 13 May 2013 - 12:19.

[Chyros]

Quote

LAPD confronts Call of Duty 'Ghost' statue in tense standoff

Late last night the offices of Los Angeles-based independent game studio Robotoki were stormed by the Los Angeles Police Department after a curious designer pressed the building's "panic" button, studio founder Robert Bowling told Polygon.

The 911 response ended in a tense showdown with a life-sized statue of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2's Simon "Ghost" Riley, which the police mistook for a gunman.

Earlier today reports circulated that the studio had been the victim of a "swatting" prank, in which a third party tricks law enforcement authorities or emergency services by providing details of a made-up threat, triggering an emergency response dispatch to the target of the prank. Swatting pranks are not limited to 911 calls; swatters can spoof a victim's phone number, obtain and use a victim's personal information or hack phone and computer systems.

Bowling clarified that it wasn't a prank, but the mischievousness of an unnamed designer that brought the LAPD to his door.

"Our studio is equipped with a 'panic' alarm in case of an armed threat, which was installed yesterday," Bowling said. "One of our designers, who shall not be shamed, pressed it on his way out because apparently when boys find buttons that they are unsure of, their first instinct is to push it."

Bowling said the panic alarm was installed as a precaution to protect his team, "as game developers receive their fair share of death threats." He noted that Robotoki hasn't had any issues with threats, but it is something Bowling is familiar with from his days at Infinity Ward.

"So after pushing it, everyone went home for the day, leaving their lonely studio head to receive the assault of their actions," he added.

At 7:10 p.m. four officers arrived at the front of the building only to find that there was no way to get in from that side. As they moved around toward the back where Robotoki's entrance is located, the officers spotted Bowling's life-sized statue of Ghost standing at attention with his gun at the ready.

So they made entry.

"I was in my office when they arrived and saw them coming up our stairs, guns drawn," Bowling said. "They yelled for me to put my hands up and walk towards them slowly, then took me into custody and out of the studio until they cleared the rest of the rooms and floors."

Bowling said about 15 minutes later the officers emerged, laughing — they had mistaken Ghost for a real threat and had nearly taken him down. The photo above was taken from Robotoki's security cameras and shows the moment the cops approached Bowling's office.

Once they realized Bowling was neither a threat nor a hostage, discussion fell to Bowling's line of work and the ordeal ended with a round of video games using the office's NES controller table.

Bowling said there was no harm done and he was not fined for the false alarm. They chalked it up as a mistake, a miscommunication or misdirected prank.

"Until we reviewed the security footage and saw our designer's curiosity to be the cause."

sauce: http://www.polygon.c...urious-designer

[General]

Good thing curiousity didn't killed him, as we all know Merican cops tend to be trigger happy

[Chyros]

Quote

Stockholm's male train drivers wearing skirts to work

Male train drivers in Stockholm have circumvented a ban on wearing shorts in the summer by coming to work in skirts.

Uniform regulations by the train company Arriva state that skirts or long trousers are acceptable. At a meeting last year, drivers were told that shorts were not allowed. More than a dozen male employees working for the Roslagsbanan train services in the Swedish capital have been wearing skirts in order to keep cool.One of the drivers, Martin Åkersten, explained that temperatures can hit 95F (35C) in the train cab during the summer.
Uniform regulations by the train company Arriva state that skirts or long trousers are acceptable. At a meeting last year, drivers were told that shorts were not allowed. They have given their blessing to the men wearing skirts however.

"To say anything else would be discrimination," Thomas Hedenius, the communications head, told the local Mitti newspaper, cited by the Local website. He added that the regulations were in place so staff looked presentable and tidy, adding that shorts appeared "more relaxed" than a skirt.
A meeting is due in September to discuss the issue of uniforms.
The Roslagsbanan train service carries around 45,000 people per workday.

Crazy Swödes .

sauce: http://www.telegraph...ts-to-work.html

Edited by Chyros, 08 June 2013 - 14:21.

[Destiny]

Maybe they could learn a thing or two from the Scots?

[Krieger22]

So a 60 year old woman was killed by a fully loaded trolley at a Shanghai supermarket because the trolley had no wheel brakes. And there was nobody watching what it was doing. Geniuses

[General]

Thats what I call as unexpected end

[Chyros]

Quote

Haifa man’s penis bitten by snake while relieving himself in toilet

A man was rushed to a hospital after a snake bit his penis while he was relieving himself in a toilet, according to hospital officials in Israel.

The man, 35, of northern Israel was bitten on Friday after the snake suddenly appeared from inside the toilet. The man suffered minor injuries.

Magen David Adom rescue workers responded to the scene and took the man to Rambam Medical Center in Haifa, where he received medical treatment. An examination revealed that the snake was not poisonous.

The man told emergency workers that this all happened after he went to the bathroom to relieve himself and suddenly felt a strong burning sensation in his penis.

One of the paramedics said the man told him that he has seen the snake and the snake was very small.
According to the paramedic, despite the location of the injury, the man managed to stay calm and even had a laugh with workers at his own expense.

"This is the first time I've seen a snake bite like this," the paramedic said. "Luckily, all tests seem fine and the man is feeling well," the paramedic added.

"There will undoubtedly be bite marks on the area in question," the hospital said. “The snake was not poisonous. The man is currently under observation pending additional test results and as soon as we get the results, he will be able to go home," the hospital also said.

sauce http://www.yourjewis.../07/n28209.html

Didn't know Israel was in Australia .

Edited by Chyros, 15 July 2013 - 11:59.

[Chyros]

<div>

Quote

<strong>Shark found on New York subway</strong></div>
<div> </div>
<div>A dead shark has been discovered on the subway in New York City, transport officials have confirmed.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>The unlikely passenger, about 1.2m (4ft) long, was found under a row of seats on a Queens-bound train.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>The conductor asked passengers to leave the carriage and the train continued to the end of the line, where a supervisor disposed of the shark.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Pigeons and even an opossum have made their way on to the trains before, but never a shark, transit officials said.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>However, where it came from remains a mystery.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Isvett Verde, of Brooklyn, New York, who took a photo of the shark, said she noticed that the empty carriage of the N train &quot;smelled extremely fishy&quot; when she boarded at 8th Street.</div>
<div> </div>
<div><u>&quot;It's hard to be surprised as there are always crazy things happening in this city, but even that was a bit much,&quot;</u> she told the BBC.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Other pictures of the exotic discovery have also gone viral, including one of the shark with a cigarette in its mouth next to a fare card and a can of energy drink.

</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Why is is everything in the US so fucking weird?! </div>
<p> </p>
<p><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-23610105">http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-23610105</a></p>

[Major Fuckup]

http://news.ninemsn....-death-concerns

Quote

In a letter to Defence Minister Stephen Smith, PETA (People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals) says it is "of grave concern" that Australia's military has failed to adopt synthetic models that could save thousands of pigs, which are used in trauma training before being killed.
But a Defence spokesman said the force's practice complied with current regulation and had been used in military and civilian training for many decades.
"These courses are considered essential to adequately prepare medical officers to deploy on ADF operations," the spokesman told AAP in a statement.
PETA claims Defence is not following guidelines published by Australia's National Health and Medical Research Council by using live animals, and that research has found a simulated model provides outcomes superior to animal-based training.
Defence does not agree.
"Based upon the best scientific advice available, there remains a small number of circumstances where training of those who save the lives of critically-injured service personnel is best achieved through live tissue trauma training," the spokesman said.
"This training essentially concentrates on the first hour of emergency care post-event."
He added that the force has "reduced to the absolute minimum" the use of animals for medical training, and aims for further reductions.
PETA says "more modern" training technology has been adopted by the majority of NATO countries.

Im surprised PETA didn't know that sooner its not a secret.

[Chyros]

Quote

Fork stuck in man's penis after bizarre sexual mishap

Canberra doctors removed a 10-centimetre fork from inside an elderly man's penis after a bizarre sexual mishap.

The 70-year-old arrived at the Canberra Hospital emergency department with a bleeding sexual organ.

He told doctors he had inserted the 10cm dining fork into his urethra almost 12 hours earlier in an attempt to achieve sexual gratification.

But the utensil became stuck.

The fork was not visible but doctors were able to feel it from the outside and X-rays showed its position.

Doctors considered several retrieval options before deciding to pull the fork free using forceps and "copious lubrication" while the patient was under a general anaesthetic.

The elderly patient was then sent home.

The medical emergency was so rare the team of three doctors published the case in The International Journal of Surgery last month.

The paper, titled "An Unusual Urethral Foreign Body", said it was rare to see objects lodged in the lower urinary tract.

It went on to list strange objects found inside other parts of the body, including needles, pencils, wire, allen keys, toothbrushes, light bulbs, thermometers, plants and vegetables, leeches, snakes, cocaine and glue.

"It is apparent that the human mind is uninhibited let alone creative," the authors wrote.

The medical team – Krishanth Naidu, Maurice Mulcahy and Amanda Chung – said the fork case was published to create discussion among the medical fraternity "given the great management challenge faced by the oddity and infrequency with which a fork is encountered in the penile urethra".

The doctors said the motives for inserting objects into the sensitive region were difficult to comprehend.

"The practice manifests primarily during states of pathological masturbation, substance abuse and intoxication and as a result of psychological compounders.

"Autoerotic stimulation with the aid of self-inserted urethral foreign bodies has been existent since time immemorial and have presented an unusual but known presentation to urologists."

They said embarrassed patients usually attempted to retrieve the item themselves, risking urethral injury and foreign body migration.

The real danger was infection leading to death, because ashamed patients often delay medical treatment, they said.

Doctors generally try to avoid surgery in such situations, instead choosing an option that would minimise urothelial trauma and preserve erectile function.

The authors said self-inserted male urethral foreign bodies are rare emergencies that urological and general surgeons face on occasion.

While the insertions are unusual, the paper said "any imaginable object is known to be implicated".

Read more: http://www.canberrat...l#ixzz2cQHYG0or

[Major Fuckup]

Quote

The speed camera that sits on Mounts Bay Road, and affectionately dubbed "Trust Fund" by the State Government, has been awarded the Public Servant of the Year Award 2013, for excellent service to the Government.

A Government spokesperson told the Bell Tower Times that the speed camera was an obvious choice for the award as:[indent]"Old Trust Fund is everything that you want in a public servant: The ability to sit on its ass all day, earn the Government loads of cash and most importantly, achieve absolutely nothing. We all look up to that speed camera".[/indent]
The speed camera netted an unbelievable $2.5 Million in revenue in 2012, which equates roughly to 10,000 speeding fines. Despite the camera's tireless work, there appears to be no reduction in speeding in the stretch of Mounts Bay Road that it occupies (Perth - Nedlands).

Colin Barnett will present "Trust Fund" with a medallion and a tax-payer funded night of wining and dining, where the State's politicians will get an opportunity to personally thank "Trust Fund" for the extra revenue needed to pay for their drivers, flights and dinners.

The Bell Tower Times attempted to uncover how many road deaths per year were a result of unsafe road conditions. We were unable to locate this statistic. Sadly, we were able to find statistics on total revenue raised through traffic violations in Western Australia: over $100 Million in 2012.

What says more about the integrity of a Government, the statistics provided to the public or the information withheld? You be the judge.

As for us, we congratulate "Trust Fund", at least it never sniffed a chair.

Thats one of the funnest public interest stories i have read so far

http://thebelltowert...ted-public.html