1469 replies to this topic

[Alias]

Chyros, on 03 January 2014 - 10:09, said:

Alias, on 03 January 2014 - 09:36, said:

Ah yes, Queensland, the Carolina of Australia.

Wait, In thought that was Perth? Oo

No, Perth/WAis the Texas of Australia. Still backwards, but at least rich. Queensland is very average when it comes to wealth and the politicians (and people) tend to be the most backwards in Australia.

[Major Fuckup]

Alias, on 03 January 2014 - 10:28, said:

Chyros, on 03 January 2014 - 10:09, said:

Alias, on 03 January 2014 - 09:36, said:

Ah yes, Queensland, the Carolina of Australia.

Wait, In thought that was Perth? Oo

No, Perth/WAis the Texas of Australia. Still backwards, but at least rich. Queensland is very average when it comes to wealth and the politicians (and people) tend to be the most backwards in Australia.

So therefore WA is not backwards at all compared to the rest of the country!

[Chyros]

Australia strikes again .

Quote

Olive oil used to grease up and free naked man hiding in washing machine

Firefighters, police, SES and paramedics had to be called in to free the man from his washing machine.

Emergency workers say they had to use olive oil to grease up and free a naked man who got stuck in a washing machine during a game of hide and seek.

Mooroopna police, in northern Victoria, say the man was attempting to hide from his partner when he climbed into the top loader.

It took emergency crews about 20 minutes to free him using the oil to lubricate his skin.

First Constable Ingram says it was lucky the man was naked.

"I guess if he's going to get into a washing machine it's best if he has no clothes on to be able to get him out like that," he said.

"I guess the clothes can provide a bit of resistance to try to get him out.

"My advice would be for people not to climb into appliances.

"Obviously, that causes a number of issues as we've seen on the weekend."

http://www.abc.net.a...machine/5186922

[Major Fuckup]

Chyros, on 06 January 2014 - 14:09, said:

Australia strikes again .

Quote

Olive oil used to grease up and free naked man hiding in washing machine

Firefighters, police, SES and paramedics had to be called in to free the man from his washing machine.

Emergency workers say they had to use olive oil to grease up and free a naked man who got stuck in a washing machine during a game of hide and seek.

Mooroopna police, in northern Victoria, say the man was attempting to hide from his partner when he climbed into the top loader.

It took emergency crews about 20 minutes to free him using the oil to lubricate his skin.

First Constable Ingram says it was lucky the man was naked.

"I guess if he's going to get into a washing machine it's best if he has no clothes on to be able to get him out like that," he said.

"I guess the clothes can provide a bit of resistance to try to get him out.

"My advice would be for people not to climb into appliances.

"Obviously, that causes a number of issues as we've seen on the weekend."

http://www.abc.net.a...machine/5186922

And they are playing hide and seek naked why?

[Chyros]

Major Fuckup, on 07 January 2014 - 12:19, said:

Chyros, on 06 January 2014 - 14:09, said:

Australia strikes again .

Quote

Olive oil used to grease up and free naked man hiding in washing machine

Firefighters, police, SES and paramedics had to be called in to free the man from his washing machine.

Emergency workers say they had to use olive oil to grease up and free a naked man who got stuck in a washing machine during a game of hide and seek.

Mooroopna police, in northern Victoria, say the man was attempting to hide from his partner when he climbed into the top loader.

It took emergency crews about 20 minutes to free him using the oil to lubricate his skin.

First Constable Ingram says it was lucky the man was naked.

"I guess if he's going to get into a washing machine it's best if he has no clothes on to be able to get him out like that," he said.

"I guess the clothes can provide a bit of resistance to try to get him out.

"My advice would be for people not to climb into appliances.

"Obviously, that causes a number of issues as we've seen on the weekend."

http://www.abc.net.a...machine/5186922

And they are playing hide and seek naked why?

Hey you're the Aussie, you tell me .

I've got an idea why though .

[Major Fuckup]

Chyros, on 07 January 2014 - 19:57, said:

Major Fuckup, on 07 January 2014 - 12:19, said:

Chyros, on 06 January 2014 - 14:09, said:

Australia strikes again .

Quote

Olive oil used to grease up and free naked man hiding in washing machine

Firefighters, police, SES and paramedics had to be called in to free the man from his washing machine.

Emergency workers say they had to use olive oil to grease up and free a naked man who got stuck in a washing machine during a game of hide and seek.

Mooroopna police, in northern Victoria, say the man was attempting to hide from his partner when he climbed into the top loader.

It took emergency crews about 20 minutes to free him using the oil to lubricate his skin.

First Constable Ingram says it was lucky the man was naked.

"I guess if he's going to get into a washing machine it's best if he has no clothes on to be able to get him out like that," he said.

"I guess the clothes can provide a bit of resistance to try to get him out.

"My advice would be for people not to climb into appliances.

"Obviously, that causes a number of issues as we've seen on the weekend."

http://www.abc.net.a...machine/5186922

And they are playing hide and seek naked why?

Hey you're the Aussie, you tell me .

I've got an idea why though .

Thats victorian bullshit, i live in western australia the intelligent state of this here nation!

[Krieger22]

http://www.telegraph...ve-on-Mars.html

Quote

Muslims have been warned in a Fatwa not to go and live on Mars because it would pose "a real risk to life", according to a Dubai news organisation.

So... What did Mars do to them anyway?

[General]

Krieger22, on 20 February 2014 - 12:50, said:

http://www.telegraph...ve-on-Mars.html

Quote

Muslims have been warned in a Fatwa not to go and live on Mars because it would pose "a real risk to life", according to a Dubai news organisation.

So... What did Mars do to them anyway?

Allah Akbar! Kill them Martian Infidels! no but seriously, it will be suicide, and suicide is forbidden unless you blow up yourself in a crowded market place

[Krieger22]

http://edition.cnn.c...-underwear-ban/

Quote

(CNN) -- Lacy underwear has effectively been "banned" by new regulations in Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan, opponents say. But the issue is not one of modesty.
A customs union made up of the three post-Soviet countries introduced a regulation, which requires clothing in contact with skin to contain at least 6% of cotton, for safety reasons.

I suppose there's a valid reason for this... but aren't there more important things for them to work on than this?

[Krieger22]

Translation: Some man here decided to arouse his wife while she was asleep by shoving a golf ball up her vagina. naturally, it got stuck and then he decided to try extracting it with a spoon.

What

[Chyros]

Pentagon has a plan to stop the zombie apocalypse .

http://www.foreignpo...mbie_apocalypse

[TheDR]

Well it was created as a training exercise

Also, I'm probably going to read it at some point for story inspiration.

[Major Fuckup]

http://www.abc.net.a...9540?section=nt

Quote

At least four prisoners in Darwin are suspected of repeatedly escaping the prison, getting drunk, then voluntarily returning to the facility in the hope no one would notice.
The ABC understands authorities were checking whether low-security prisoners have repeatedly escaped from a work release centre at Berrimah jail for a few hours after a 7pm headcount.
"It would appear that a couple of prisoners have jumped the fence but returned," a spokesman for NT Department of Correctional Services said.
Authorities were believed to suspect the group, and possibly other prisoners, were from time to time jumping a cyclone fence, getting picked up from a main road by partners and given alcohol and marijuana, before breaking back into prison a few hours later.
The deception was eventually discovered shortly after midnight in the early hours of Sunday July 20 when five drunk prisoners were found fighting over a mobile phone.
"It is alleged that four of the prisoners had earlier climbed a perimeter fence to retrieve contraband items from someone on the outside," the department spokesman said.
[indent]

It would appear that a couple of prisoners have jumped the fence but returned.
Department of Correctional Services spokesman[/indent]

He added the group "may have been out for a while" but that would become clear only after a police investigation.
An internal departmental investigation was also underway, the spokesman said.
"They [police] will come back with recommendations as to what charges will be laid," he said.
"It will be up to police to determine what constitutes an escape."
A search of the work release centre uncovered several other items of contraband including two empty bottles of alcohol, five mobile phones, phone chargers, a small quantity of a "green leafy substance", a cigarette lighter and rolling papers.
The men have since been transferred to the prison's maximum security section.

[Chyros]

http://www.thelocal....th-80-skeletons

Quote

Woman finds Ikea bags stuffed with 80 skeletons

UPDATED: A woman in southern Sweden is furious after stumbling upon scores of skulls and human bones inside Ikea bags in a church. The man who dug up the bones, however, says it's not as bad as it looks.

The Kläckeberga church is using Ikea bags to store the remains of around 80 people who were once buried under the floorboards.

The macabre collection, which is almost overflowing from a set of large blue Ikea bags, was found by local woman Kicki Karlén.

"There were loads of skulls and bones stuffed into Ikea bags. I counted up to 80," she told the Expressen newspaper.

"I became angry, very angry about how they were just sitting there. I spoke with some people from the parish who said the bones had been there since 2009."

The bags are covered by a tarpaulin and have been sitting there since parts of the church were dug up and rebuilt to allow wheelchair access.

"I was on the team called in to dig out the bones five years ago," archaeologist Ludvig Papmehl-Dufay told The Local.

"Our mission was to document and rebury the bones, which may be as much as 500 years old. But the reburial was delayed and I have no idea why. The plan was to rebury them as soon as possible, but that's up to the church. The county board said they couldn't leave church ground, and it became complicated."

He explained that the bones were likely reburied in a secondary deposition many years ago in what he called a "bone house". The collection is mostly skulls and longer bones, he added.

While Papmehl-Dufay denied storing the bones in the Ikea bags himself, he admitted that it sounded like an efficient storage technique.

"It's not standard practice, definitely not for archaeologists, but the Ikea bags aren't actually that bad. They'd be great for stopping the moulding process. But it can't be that good to have them in the basement for so long."

Karlén, meanwhile, took to her blog to lament the situation and to call for answers.

"How would you feel if it was your grandmother or grandfather?" she wrote.

Oh Sweden u so IKEA .

[Chyros]

Quote

BEIJING: A Chinese woman who married 26 times is now caught in a legal tangle. Her problem is not the marriage law, but the rules concerning the government's family planning policy.

The 40-year old woman from Shuyang county in Jiangsu province recently discovered she was made pregnant by a former husband. She then rid herself of the then husband and remarried the one who had made her pregnant. When she went to register the child, the family planning authorities discovered the child's father already had two children with another woman in the past. So, he was not entitled to register a third child under his name. Faced with a situation where her child would have no legal father, the woman went back to the man she had abandoned weeks ago. He being childless was excited to be a father.

Meanwhile, the government said the much-married woman will face bigamy charges unless she divorces the man who gave her the child. She is expected to remarry the childless man soon, the reports said.

The woman had earlier remarried nine of her ex-husbands. The number of men she had married and remarried is 15, the reports said.

http://timesofindia....ow/40085356.cms

[Slightly Wonky Robob]

Quote

‘I want to protect children’ says sword-wielding great-grandfather
A SAMURAI sword-wielding great-grandfather who waved the weapon in front of two children told their mothers he was on the hunt for a paedophile in Delancey Park, the Magistrate’s Court heard.

http://guernseypress...at-grandfather/

[Chyros]

I'm pondering now whether it's safer or less safe for public safety to use a katana than a gun. Hmmm....

[Chyros]

Quote

Cannabis-eating sheep get high as a kite after munching £4,000-worth of drugs

Farm manager Ms Budd said sheep had gone through seven bags of the plant by the time she found them

A flock of sheep spent an afternoon stumbling around making strange noises after accidentally feasting on thousands of pounds worth of cannabis.

Nellie Budd, who manages Fanny’s Farm in Merstham, Surrey, said when she went down to the field she thought someone had simply dumped some rubbish – and then smelled the illegal plant.

But by the time she realised, her greedy sheep had already made their way through seven bags of the Class B drug – worth around £4,000.

‘At first I thought it was someone’s hedgerow rubbish. I went down to collect the bags so the sheep weren’t eating black plastic,’ she told the Mirror.

‘When I got there I realised it was a form of herbal cannabis plant. They were very strong in scent.

‘I have no idea how they got there. It’s right next to a road and the footpath is quite open.’

Officers took away the remainder of the drugs but said they could face problems finding where they came from because the sheep had eaten so much of the evidence.

Ms Budd, meanwhile, said she didn’t think there had been any negative side effects to the sheep but added:

‘I’ll tell you about the meat next week.’

http://metro.co.uk/2...-drugs-4910565/

[TheDR]

Drug gang fugitive sentenced.

The story isn't that funny, but this quote is

Quote

But things went wrong when a grandmother from Cornwall was caught with heroin worth £50,000 hidden in a bag with pasties.

Edited by TheDR, 02 November 2014 - 15:48.

[Chyros]

TheDR, on 02 November 2014 - 15:45, said:

Drug gang fugitive sentenced.

The story isn't that funny, but this quote is

Quote

But things went wrong when a grandmother from Cornwall was caught with heroin worth £50,000 hidden in a bag with pasties.

That's fucking amazing!

[Chyros]

NYC pastor claims Starbucks has syndicated with homosexuals to spread ebola using gay semen in their lattes - this just about made my day xDDD .

Can't copy the text somehow, but here's the link: http://www.pinknews....n-of-sodomites/

[TheDR]

Ha! It makes you think you are having a good time. I cannot believe someone would say that

[Chyros]

It's an amazing article, the stuf he spouts is fantastic comedy really .

[TheDR]

http://www.torquayhe...tail/story.html

Quote

"Heseltine became very aggressive and was wildly throwing punches around her,” said the prosecutor.
“She contacted with the constable punching him two times on the jaw.”
The ‘wildly flailing’ woman then raged ‘Do you want some as well?’ and ‘I want my dog’.
“Heseltine picked up a fire extinguisher threatening violence to anybody else at the scene before throwing it into the street.”

Yeah, local idiots!

Edited by TheDR, 22 November 2014 - 17:19.

[Chyros]

TheDR, on 22 November 2014 - 17:19, said:

http://www.torquayhe...tail/story.html

Quote

"Heseltine became very aggressive and was wildly throwing punches around her,” said the prosecutor. “She contacted with the constable punching him two times on the jaw.” The ‘wildly flailing’ woman then raged ‘Do you want some as well?’ and ‘I want my dog’. “Heseltine picked up a fire extinguisher threatening violence to anybody else at the scene before throwing it into the street.”

Yeah, local idiots!

Well, at least something is happening around there .