186 replies to this topic

[Sgt. Nuker]

Cheers Commander. I do appreciate the honesty, as I'm sure many others would.

I haven't had the inspiration to write lately, but the following piece is the exception. Perhaps you'll gain something from it, if not a little curiosity. See it in whichever light you chose.

Western Witch: Or How I Grew To Loathe Your Best Friend Mia

You call yourself a friend
but you spin lies
The sad thing is
The masses believe
and fight so earnestly
to follow your disease
For love they need
and only hunger you feed

I can't stand you
No I won't hear you
You live because others die
but you care not
Invisible you remain
Your fingers claw disdain

Starvation
Subjugation
Vomit out the refuse
Purge one's self again
Visit your throne once more
and bite the hand that feeds

[Sgt. Nuker]

The Mirror Must Be Lying

Choke back truth
to make way for new days
and better lies
For what's more important
than half-glimpsed truth
and feigned love affairs with far off whimsies

Inside has died
because the hand refuses
and the mind won't digest
simple equations of the you and me
So here and now
has become a question of yesteryear
Why do you believe I lie
when everything you say
has not a leg to stand on

Deny yourself the simple pleasure
and gain a new pain
for thin is in
Reality repulsive (but the two are very different)
Goodbye friend
Hello stranger
Cycles have a tendency to repeat themselves
and never end well

[Sgt. Nuker]

Here's an emotion I've not taped into until quite recently. To mark the occasion, here is the ensuing poem bearing the beginnings of a new start to a treasured emotion:

Beauty, Lovely Beauty

Love
Love is a seed
Just waiting for planting
For growing...
For picking...
Thirsting for true love's first push
First breath
First anything for warmth
For anything to feel the care
The devotion of another
The closeness of each other

Love grows
Unfurling radiance
Dew drops glisten
From fresh morning petals
And rays of sunshine
strike rain drops falling
For the Earth to catch and cherish

Love needs attention
for absence is a vacant thought
Vacancy is apathy
Apathy uproots love planted
and soils with turmoil

We can make this work
We will see this through
For this all has to
because I love YOU

[CommanderJB]

A lot of love poems can come across as cloying, or tacky, or insincere. This doesn't. It's heartfelt, clear, and beautifully worded. The metaphorical use is fantastic, and it's genuine and soulful. It's also wonderful to read because of the meaning behind it - I wish you the very best of luck in everything.

[Dauth]

While still of your usual high standard this one is beginning to hit the region I find as sickeningly cute, don't be offended its just because I am grumpy and single.

[Sgt. Nuker]

It has been a long time coming, but I do tip my hat to both of you gents.

Commander: For the kindness coiled in your words, do I thank you. Not much needed to be said when what you've scripted comes bearing more meaning than you'll ever be aware.

To Dauth: Chin up mate. Just remember to keep dancing.

[Sgt. Nuker]

A Dim Light On Thee

I've shot to pieces the last of it
Little tattered, torn and broken
pieces of her heart
Not that I tried
but it was the best of my worst
It all fell together like a jig-saw
She saw it like a Rorschach

If love is kind
then I'm just blind
Because all I see is her
and she sees me
but all I do
is trip and fall
with a wedding cake in my hand

The best of days
Quickly turned to hating me
for things I've done
Wish I could make them undone
But no amount of wishing
will fix this scar
this wound
on her soul
My hands are stained

If love is kind
then I've gone blind
She sees me
and I see her
But fumbles from my mouth
Trip us both
and there's no easy way to say
I'm sorry

[Libains]

While, personally, i have never been much of a fan of poetry without rhymes,this is certainly some of the best work that I've seen in a long time, it's deep and raw emotion, no quibbles/metaphors and all the rest of it. Classy stuff Nooka, I'll be reading back through your old stuff the next few days for sure.a

[Sgt. Nuker]

Thank you AJ. You are most kind with your comment. I only wish the reason I wrote this poem didn't happen...

[Libains]

I had a feeling that this wasn't completely unprovoked, considering your mention of personal experiences on your previous poem. Condolences mate, although I stick by my words from before, it's a damn good poem, if that's of any consolation

[Ion Cannon!]

I know i've said it before, but you really should look into getting some published, even if its in one of those free poetry books.

Edited by Insomniac!, 08 March 2009 - 01:37.

[Sgt. Nuker]

I guess a person can only take so much before they finally snap. Found this out the hard way last night, even though I was actually trying to do her a favour. I guess I should have realized she would be tired. I guess I should have changed the wording of my question, or better yet, I shouldn't have asked the question at all. I didn't want to break up, just turned out that way after a rather long verbal tiff. All I wanted was to take stress away from her. All I wanted was for her to be happy. Her best friend's in hospital in ICU and could be dying. She told me she couldn't concentrate at work because of that. I didn't want to be a burden to her, especially since we're an ocean apart. But the part I never really considered was the way she'd take the term "break". I didn't want to step out of her life completely. I would have still given her support. I wish she believed me more when I told her things. The pain of a heartbreak was never this real. I'm physically and emotionally in immense pain. I'm sick to my stomach with what happened last night. Next time I'll just keep my mouth shut and be a man and just be there. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, but at this point in time, it feels more like a folly than a present. I love her too much to push her away forever, I just wish she knew that for certain instead of thinking I'm just like every other guy she's been with.

Now I need to man up, give her time to get things sorted and then ask her to take me back. I know she still loves me and I still love her. There has to be a way that we can work, there HAS to be.

[Sgt. Nuker]

A Drop of Mercury

The chance is there
but he doesn't want it
Product of a sleepless night
Dreamless to no end
She lays a thousand miles from here
Her body giddy
but her head is filled with storm clouds
For someone close to her heart
lay in a sterile room
Awaiting his turn before the Gate

A thought for a fleeting moment
as fragile as the candle flame
Second-guessing every breath

Now for her
there was never anyone
Always giving
Never presented
Faithful is she
but he never saw it
Always took what she gave
With a fleeting smile he promised
for better days and a shoulder to cry on

The day this all comes true
something dies and something lives
Each a part of the same being
He feels the pain and joy
Forever marked to be a thoughtful endeavour

[BeefJeRKy]

More powerful stuff Nooka. I have enjoyed your writings so far.

[Sgt. Nuker]

*bows* Cheers for the comment Scope.

Too Much of Anything Will Kill You

There's something within
that he feels without
She stares from her bedroom
wondering if he'll come in before the rain

Too long have they crossed paths
and never said hello
Too far gone
has their innocence tripped behind

Now he sits behind a desktop
pounding lettered plastic
trying to stop his thoughts from pouring out
She's outside
swinging from spin step to toe point
And all he sees
is a vacant expression in the mirror

Too long have they crossed paths
and their innocence behind
Too far gone
and they never even said hello

All he wants is her
but she won't answer
his placid calls in a dim light
He doesn't see
She wants him from high above the burned out streetlamp

Too long have they left their innocence behind
Too far gone to even say hello

Maybe now isn't the time for letters scratched on paper

[Dauth]

I have a better idea than most about the meaning of this. I just hope the poetry still helps.

[Sgt. Nuker]

I think you'll want to check your inbox Dauth. The poem involves some of what you know about, but by a large part, involves a development that you don't know about.

[Sgt. Nuker]

There's Nothing Like Fine Print (In Times Like These)


So now
And now
that we've thrown our lot
Tossed our dreams
In favour of something you put on display
behind a shiny window circus
and promised us
We grope for hollow things
and sparkling falsehoods
and toil for paper
instead of happiness

But you bit the hand
sent us packing
now your profits fall
because our backs are no longer yours

There's something we know
and it all starts with a smile

[BeefJeRKy]

I don't know why but that poem makes me think of the financial crisis

[Sgt. Nuker]

The Walk, The Rain, The Broken Dream

To scribe lines
as a pianist strikes notes
Hammers fall
Chords struck methodically
echoing sweet melody
It's an elegance not yet attained
Isn't music a wonderful influence?
(look how she can't dance)

I need a scapegoat
to kill the rest of me
Words spoken in passing
are meant to keep the corners company
(and the conscience at bay)

My wires undone
I'm coming unstrung
Kindly hand me a reason to live
now that my thoughts have gone dangling

A scripted voice among the crowd
designed for a sole purpose
Engineered with death in mind
and living on borrowed time

There's just one thing to remember:

Keep dancing and a smile for tomorrow

[CommanderJB]

The strength in your writing is as potent as ever, and the effect it creates is a deep one. If I were to make a critical comment it would be that the last poem feels somehow disjointed, but I realise this may be for a reason. I also smile when I read your last two lines; it's so true, always, and it's good to see it in there.

[SquigPie]

FAAAAJL!!!!!!11one11

POETRY'S UNORKY! YEWZ NOT A PROPPA ORK!

No seriously, you're a great poet, you should think of getting this stuff published.

Poetry have never really been me, but I can appreciate (damn spelling) the beauty of words.

Edited by SquigPie, 10 June 2009 - 05:56.

[Sgt. Nuker]

The most unorthodox response to any poem or prose I've ever written, but to its credit, it did make me laugh. Seriously, I do appreciate comments or criticism in any form, so long as I can come away better after reading it. I honestly was about to dismiss the comment because of the "being unorky" bit (because my notepad is the one place I will not be Orky), but it did make me read your comment further SquigPie.

I have given thought to having some of my works published and the day I make that happen may just as well be soon. Though if I do get them published, there's part of me that wants to do it for a bit of profit (but I'm aware that may not be possible at first). Not many possess the ability to form and shape language at will, and there are many a day when I fail to do so. My works posted here are just some examples of me finding a malleable spot and running rampant.

[SquigPie]

Well, Unorthodoxy is pretty much the best way to describe me.


Yeah, few people have the power to write down that kind of stuff, In my case, I've got it all in my head, my problem is not in writing it right, but to have the willpower to finish it.

I've got 10 unfinished short stories. Only get halfway and then I loose my interest.

So write, use you're gifts, not for the money but for the sake of sharing it with everybody else.

[Sgt. Nuker]

Sharing with the community on this forum is what I will continue to do.

Blink

Not all stories
are told with words

Paintings fade
and sounds become vapors

What you hear tomorrow
the deaf will hear today