yes out of the torment and the anguish the words come easily from the deepest and darkest place. one that i hide so well from the people that know me but i betray myself with my writing.
the following is something i wrote back in 2003 just before christmas. i tried to commit suicide around that time. not the first time i tried.
I'm finding it so hard, to go one without you.
The days go on and on taking me away from you.
The day you left, the day I lost you.
Was the hardest day of my life.
I wanted you to be my wife.
Wanted to share this life with you.
Never had the chance to give you that ring.
Never asked you to marry me, I never got to see the look in your eyes, as you heard me say those words now left unsaid.
All the moments I shared with you, are frozen in time.
All the times I held you so close, kissed you slow and gentle.
Walked with you in the park, your arm around my waist, your head on my shoulder.
Laying with you on the sofa laughing and talking, smiling and joking.
I can't go on without you. I miss you so much.
Your touch, your smile, your lasting embrace.
Your cute laugh and the way you looked at me when you told me you loved me.
I'm so lost without you. I'm so sad since you went away.
I can't go on like this. I cant find the strength to keep fighting.
There's no meaning in my life without you.
There's nothing left to fight for.
Forgive me baby for doing this.
It's the only thing I can do.
I want to go to you.
I want to see you again.
Hold you and never ever let you go.
this is something i wrote for kitsumi. my first love.
Lost Dreams
In the blackest night all alone, when I just sit and listen. I hear your voice just echoing requiems of a blue world, which drifts silent now without you. You sang in the night of so many sorrowful stories, only a wayfarer knows of the pain I feel without you. Nostalgic images show me again what came before.
I know of a wish so choked in tears, can never hope to come to pass. Only as a dream will it remain forever perfect, utterly flawless.
And though the thought of you brings me to tears.
I must say farewell.
I must say goodbye.
Though I know nothing stays the same.
And all I know comes back to haunt me still.
In the blackest night all alone, when I just sit and listen. I hear your voice echoing requiems of a blue world, which drifts silent now without you.
Only a wayfarer knows of the loneliness I feel without you.
And of those nostalgic images that show me again what came before. They bring me close to tears for I remember you as I always will.
I listen for your voice.
I stay there awhile and listen for your voice.
But now I know I will no longer hear your melodious song.
So may you stay here forever in my memory.
And of this journey on and on, with no end in sight. I must go on.
So I say farewell.
And I say goodbye.
But know this my love for you is without end, just like the sky overhead.
My intentions like steel hot as fire.
I know of a wish so choked in tears of sadness and regret, can never hope to come to pass.
Alas only as a dream will it remain, forever perfect, utterly flawless, unchanging in time.
So I say farewell with bitter regrets.
And I say goodbye with a heavy heart.
And here on this darkest night, I think the woman who I fell in love with all those years ago.
And though I know nothing stays the same.
I still sit here on the coldest of nights and hope to hear your voice call out to me again.
A sadness fills my heart for I know it will never come to pass like that wish so choked with tears. For now all I hear is whispers on the wind.
And though I wish I could have stayed here forever on this cold dark night all alone, without you. Listening for your voice. I know I must go on without you, on this journey on and on.
Know this my love for you is like the sky without end.
My intentions like steel, hot as fire.
So I say farewell, though I will never forget you.
And I say goodbye, for I know I will always miss you.
Edited by kanan, 01 November 2008 - 02:30.
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PM me for an add 
