CHAPTER 10
Aboard The Madrid
“All right,” said Michael. “Our plan is to throw Puke’s corpse out the airlock.” “Hey, I got an idea. I’m going to go take on of the blankets in the stack over there, wrap a blanket around the cadaver, and stick some holo-projectors on it. It will display a hologram of a painting, and we’ll say that we found a painting and that we want to throw it away because it’s really shitty. How does that roll with you guys?” President Wesley suggested. All of the Chubby Chasers seemed to agree. James ran over to the stack of sheets and grabbed one. He laid it out on the bench, then lifted Puke’s corpse onto the blanket and wrapped him in it. President Wesley took out a jar of Mikey’s Magic Glue from a compartment on Lieutenant Heinlein’s armor.
Mikey’s Magic Glue was a popular commercial product ever since 2012. It was white and sticky, but tasted like milk. It could be used as glue, toothpaste, bleach, antidepressant medication, skin moisturizer and fertilizer for certain plants. It came in small jars. Also, some people could be allergic to Mikey’s Magic Glue. To this day, the recipe for Mikey’s Magic Glue is an extremely heavily guarded secret. So, President Wesley took four mini-holo-projectors out of one of the compartments in Lieutenant Heinlein’s armor and applied Mikey’s Magic Glue on to the projectors. The holo-projectors displayed text that said, “SELECT IMAGE” Michael said, “The Founding of the Chubby Chasers.” The Founding of the Chubby Chasers was a painting of the original founders of Chubby Chasers celebrating the killing of a fatass the size of a whale. Wesley Williams was teabagging the fatass and shit was streaming out of his anus, with his pants around his ankles. Nathan Townsend was doing some sort of victory dance. Michael Leahy (The creator of Mikey’s Magic Glue) was jumping on the slain fatass’ chode with his spiked boots. Jack Shafter was still shooting at the fatass. That was back in 2024. It was not the official founding of the Chubby Chasers, but before that Wesley Williams liked to go with his buddies to kill fatasses as a hobby, just as how fine Englishmen killed tigers in the early 1800’s as “a good day’s sport.”
The hologram popped up and the Puke’s corpse was now invisible. Four Chubby Chasers carried the painting and proceeded out the dropship’s door. They were now in the fighter bay of the Madrid. General Hurligan yelled out to the troopers, “Chubby Chasers! What do you got there?” “It’s a shitty painting that we found in the fatass’ lair. We want to throw it away,” James responded. The air lock door opened and the four Chubby Chasers threw it into the airlock. The corpse would not fall into the shaft, so President Wesley decided to hump the corpse so that it would budge. Just like on Code Monkeys. “There ya go!” President Wesley yelled. The other Chubby Chasers laughed loudly. “Chubby Chasers, go to your bunks! President Williams, go to your private quarters!” commanded General Hurligan.
Michael was staring at himself in the hologram mirror. “¡Usted es completamente posiblemente el HOMBRE MÁS GORDO EN EL MUNDO! Usted es un elefante, un mastadon. ¿Oye, cuál es la diferencia entre usted y el suspensorio de Michael Vick? ¡NADA! Ustedes ambos camino un billón de libras, usted es tanto lleno de la mierda, como ustedes ambos olor como la mierda. ¡¿Sabe hasta usted POR QUÉ usted es así fuckin' grasa?! ¡Usted come el Escroto de McDonald McNuggets para CADA COMIDA DE MIERDA! Belive ello o no, usted drena el suministro de alimento del mundo entero. ¡Yo de la mañana VINIENDO PARA USTED! ¡GOLPEARÉ SU ASNO CON PESIMISMO OBESO!” “What was that?” Jim questioned. “I’m brushin’ up on my Espanol,” Michael responded. “I know that Spanish is considered the language spoken the most retards on the planet. So, since all fatasses are mentally retarded, well, there ya go,” Michael added.
Meanwhile, in President Wesley’s quarters, he was looking through a memory box of his. The song “Blow Me Away” by the band Breaking Benjamin was playing on his iPod. iPods were old music listening devices from President Wesley’s childhood. The used the MP3 file format for music. But now, there were no file formats. Everything came from specific databases and sub-databases. The world was bound together with “The System.” It was a replacement for the internet after the internet permanently crashed in 2012. For example, if you wanted to watch an episode of South Park, you would go to the TV database, then cartoons, then Early Computer Age, then Comedy Central, and finally South Park, then select the episode. He took out a very old book from the year 2008. He dusted it off, and looked through. The book was his yearbook from 6th grade. He looked at the back of the book in the 8th grade section. He saw Michael Leahy’s photograph. It was awfully strange for President Wesley to look at text that was not a hologram. Anyway, over Michael Leahy’s picture, he had scrawled in marker, “The kid who had sex.” In 2007, Michael Leahy told Wesley a very perverted secret of his. This disgusted Wesley. Michael Leahy was only 14 when this happened. Anyway, Wesley flipped to the 6th grade section of the yearbook. He found Nathan Townsend, a good kid who was a twin with Stephen Townsend. Nathan always mentioned “The Fattest Man in the World” to Wesley, which often provoked him to put his fingers in his ears and yell out, “SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!” Apparently, when people brought the fattest man in the world, he snapped. Now, he had an army of supercommandoes actually killing fat people. He had overcome his fear of fat people, and actually hated them. Finally, the Madrid’s PA system cackled. “THIS IS CAPTAIN SPEAKING! ALL CHUBBY CHASER UNITS REPORT TO THE DOCKING BAY IMMEDIATLEY!”
Edited by General Wesley, 13 July 2008 - 00:34.
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Though errors do put me off here and there.
