27 replies to this topic

[Ascendancy]

Well, I have a story that's in progress right now. I have poems, and other things that I'm willing to share. Maybe some blog entries I put on my blog might go in here too. In fact, might as well start off with a poem that I created a while back. This was for my girlfriend of a long time ago, who I almost actually got to see this year (she lives in Virginia...very far away from me)

For my love....

When I first met you
I didn't think there'd be much to us
Just a basic friendship, if even that
And, you left for a very long time
Never to see you again
..Or so I thought

You came back when I was with someone else
And I had a feeling I would have something to do with you in my life
But nothing like what we have now

You have brought great joy into my life
And you are the one I wanna be with forever
For there is no one else that could love me like you do
And I will never love someone else in the way I love you

My heart beats for you, my baby
And there is no one else it can beat for
Because you are my one true love

We have a long road ahead of us
A long road that could lead us down the wrong path
But I will wait for you as long as it takes
To even have one sweet moment with you


My love for you grows stronger by the day
And to hear your beautiful voice is like heaven
To see your beautiful face is to be in a place like no where else

I will wait for you
And I will cry for you
Until I have you in my arms for all time

You are the one I will lose my virginity to
And the one I want to raise a child with
And above all the one I wanna be married to

The thoughts I have had
About us being together later on
Are very joyous
For I see a very successful life for you and me
One that no one could ever bring down

But there is one thing I have to say
One thing I have said millions of times
And that is, my baby
I love you, always and forever...

[Sgt. Nuker]

Some of the things you said reminded me of how I felt for my ex girlfriend. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stuff Ascendency.


My best,

Major Nuker

[Ascendancy]

Thanks Major Nuker. I'm glad you're looking forward to what I have to say on many things, and that one story that's still in progress. I can give you a hint on it; it's purely fiction, but so far it's about how I have a ranch out in the mountains and I hold rally races out there every weekend. Except I'm planning for there to be a tragedy. So far all I've written is like background information on how everything's run. When I get more details explained in it, I'll post it.

Edited by Ascendancy, 19 October 2006 - 22:03.

[Sgt. Nuker]

That sounds like a good plan so far Ascendency.


Regards,

Major Nuker

[Ascendancy]

Well, here's what I have for the story so far. I will warn you ahead of time this takes a long time to read. And this still isn't complete. The story hasn't gone through the entire storm yet, we're still at the beginning of it.

I was heading down Highway 4—the urban part of it anyway, before Exit 56, which is the exit to my ranch, Diamond Ranch. Beyond Exit 56, it becomes Rural Route 4, which is a divided highway that is completely unpaved. A light snow was falling out here; the elevation at the ranch is 6,531 feet. The whole off-ramp system was built by me. I hold personal rally races out here, every weekend. However, I was not driving my rally car, which is a Toyota Corolla straight out of the WRC; instead I was driving my economy car—a Toyota Vitz F. It makes only 70 horsepower out of a 997cc inline 4-cylinder engine. The other Toyota I drive around the track uses a turbocharged 4-cylinder engine that makes a seemingly powerful 300 horsepower. The Vitz has a top speed of around 100 mph; the Corolla’s top speed is 160 mph, though on the track I can only get the thing to about 125 mph. With the snow falling, it adds to the thrill by having snow with the mud and dirt that’s already there. I hold races at my ranch every weekend—anyone is welcome to come and no vehicle limitation—just a valid license.
I’ve seen people come in the family minivan for crying out loud.

I made it to my ranch in about 75 minutes; I calculated my average speed to be 62 mph. People were waiting at the gates. Most come every weekend so they know when they see the red Toyota, it automatically clicks that a lot of fun is going to ensue. The snow continued to fall; the weather service issued a Snow Advisory. Come evening, when we all sit down for a great dinner, the snow continued to fall for many hours. The radar kept picking up bands of snow moving across the area. Racing in the snow is fun, but we took a consensus and waited until tomorrow at noon. Now, you have to realize this ranch is not solely dedicated for rally racing; I do grow crops to sell back in the city. However as this is winter, the growing season ended a couple weeks ago and I made a hefty $22,000. The money that I earn from selling my crops down in the city helps pay for gas and supplies needed to keep the rally track in order. I also make money from the rally race itself—it seems I forgot to say it does cost a little money to enter. The cost is only $300. That pays for lodging at the ranch, food, and gas for the trip back home. The drive from the city down at 1,245 feet up here to the ranch at 6,531 feet is about 85 miles. The maximum number of entrants to my race is anywhere from 12 on a short distance race to about 25 on a long endurance rally.

The track distance itself is around 9.12 miles, crossing an irrigation system that feeds my crops water that is about 20 feet wide and at its peak 4.2 feet deep. During the winter it usually exceeds that peak when it snows, and typically freezes over so that we have ice to cross on the track. It’s not a big deal when it’s frozen over. We have tested the little crossing to make sure it will hold vehicle weight in case someone stalls over the crossing. During the last winter it was able to withstand about 7,000 pounds—a lot more weight than most vehicles are. To this day we haven’t had anyone drown in the irrigation system crossing either, as I keep a team of paramedics on the scene in case the ice cracks or it isn’t completely frozen. In the case of the ditch not being completely frozen, a bridge is put out there to ensure the safety of myself and the other racers. On average, however, the temperature stays below 32°F during the race. It has been as cold as -34°F and as warm as 50°F. Rallies are also held in the summer time too, don’t think they aren’t. It’s just that in the winter I don’t have to worry about someone flying off the track and damaging my crops. Now I admit, that it’s a lonely life out here on the ranch when no one’s come for the races, but that’s usually solved by me going down to the city and mingling with the population. There is someone in particular I like down in the city, and she knows of it, but I’m sure I don’t have a chance. But that’s way beyond the point of this.
As the snow continued into the morning, the gauge had reported that well over the amount for a Snow Advisory had fallen; the report I just received as I walked out there showed that it was switched to a Heavy Snow Warning at about midnight last night. The total snowfall was at about a foot and a quarter. This is typical. Snow Advisories are usually not enough to forecast the snow that falls out in this land; it’s usually just a buffer to keep those who can’t make it out to the weekend rally out of the higher terrain at the ranch. I have seen people that have been caught out on Rural Route 4 before trying to get to the mountain pass beyond the ranch and make it to the next city on the other side. Sometimes I have to go rescue them. This happens when (usually) people driving a rear wheel drive car without TCS (traction control system) spins out near the pass. Temperatures right below the pass due to winds coming down slope can reach down to -60°F. And we all know, that’s murder for anyone, even with tons of blankets and warm supplies. What can I say; people are ignorant when it comes to winter driving out here. You have to realize that adverse conditions can make spinning out more likely than not if you’re driving above 50 mph. Having a rear wheel drive car can make it worse.

Preparations for the race had begun at about noon as we had all planned. The weather service once again forecasted snow. But seeing as it’s already Saturday we already decided to give it the green light and the snow will make it more of a challenge. Temperatures even at this time of day were still below 30°F. Engines were starting up cold. Some of the participants had trouble getting the engine started and running. Luckily at the ranch I installed heated garages to help the engines get running and any mechanical problems solved with the supplies on hand. The starting time for all of us to go was 12:45. My Corolla Rally Car started up no problem. This was not the only Rally Car in the race, either. Some people down in the city also own legendary WRC machines as well. My main threats, if that’s what they should be called, were a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VI, a Subaru Impreza, and a Ford Escort. All of these vehicles make around the same horsepower and weigh the same. It wasn’t a battle of who has the most powerful engine, as they are all turbocharged 4-cylinders; it was a battle of skill.

12:45 arrives. Some issues are still happening at the pit area. The race is delayed another 15 minutes. One of the racers was having issues getting the engine started. After moving it into one of the many garages it starts right up. It seemed as though his car didn’t want to start up in the cold but started in only a slightly warmer bay.

13:00 arrives (a 24 hour clock is now standard for this area). Everyone gathers at the starting line. Engines are revving high. 30 people have gathered. The number of laps set for this race that was announced at noon was set for 35 laps around the nine mile course. Approximate time for 1st place winning was around 22:00 to 00:00 with stops and refueling. Snow was beginning to lightly fall again. No Snow Advisories were planned today. The storm system that brought the foot and a quarter of snow moved on to the east; however, another was coming with triple that strength. The green light is given. The race begins. Everyone slams their vehicles into 1st gear and spin the tires. I take off with minimal wheel spin. Same with the other rally machines.

As I come up to the first corner, I slam on the brakes and drift around the corner. The first corner on the track is soft enough to drift around it and come out with about 75 mph of exit speed. Everyone else, as they are new to the course, takes it at a slower speed. They’re eating my snow and dust. However, the rally machines, seeing as they are built for this kind of race are inching up behind me. These people must be skilled, I thought. The second corner arrives. I slow up to about 40 mph for this corner. It’s a nasty hairpin that was designed on purpose. You can’t really drift around this corner without hitting the snow bank that was on both sides.

The radio comes on. “The National Weather Service has issued a Heavy Snow Warning for the Diamond Ranch area from 18:00 to 6:00 tomorrow morning. The system that was on track to move in for Sunday evening has gathered speed and strength. Total snow fall amounts for the Diamond Ranch area will be from 12 to 60 inches depending on the timing of this system. We are aware of the rally race in progress at the ranch. The rally race should not be affected until the race is nearly over. However if this system gathers more strength and speed it is highly advised the race be canceled. Also, for the city, a Flood Warning is in effect for the Maroon River. The system that will bring heavy snows to the Diamond Ranch area will first bring heavy rains in the city. Storm totals from the system are expected to be anywhere from 1 to 12 inches of rain. The Maroon River is forecasted to rise above flood stage tomorrow evening. This will be a significant event. All precautions to protect life and property should be going on now. Stay tuned to NOAA radio for further updates. The next update for this system will be at 15:00.”

After hearing all of that, I go on the CB radio. “Everyone, this is a warning to all of you now. This race may be impacted later on this evening and may be canceled if the storm that is planned to be here tomorrow comes quicker than expected. Those that live near the Maroon River should leave as soon as possible if the storm comes quicker. A Flood Warning is in effect for the river now if the system comes as quick as they say. If this does not occur, the race will continue as planned.”

My driving was not impacted as I went on the radio. I continued down the course at a quick rate. The other rally machines are still behind me but not by much. The official race timer said I had completed the first lap in about 12 minutes. The first lap is usually the slowest due to the wheel spin and getting a feel for a course with fresh snow. The irrigation crossing was completely frozen. As I’ve heard the chatter over the radio everyone slowed down to prevent spinning out. Others used to the bridge nearby to get across. The bridge was there for a safety precaution. It’s not needed to be used if the ditch is completely frozen as it is now.

15:00 arrives. The radio comes on again. People were completing their 5th and 6th laps, while I and the other true rally racers were on lap 8. “This is an update on the significant storm that will impact the city and Diamond Ranch area. According to the latest satellite and radar imagery the storm is losing strength. The Heavy Snow Warning has been downgraded to a Snow Advisory and the Flood Warning downgraded to a Flood Watch. This does not mean the storm is going to completely die off but its impacts should be less. Should this storm regain the intensity it had at the last advisory, we will update it sooner than planned. The next advisory on the storm will be at 17:30.”

This time, since I had warned them of the impacts it would have had before, everyone was chattering on the radio. I did not need to inform them of it. I heard racers breathe sighs of relief because of the weather service saying the storm is weakening. Racing now was becoming easier and more fluent for everyone. People were flying around corners and drifting with joy. I and the other racers with the WRC machines were doing 8 minute laps. We all had fun and talked to each other with a little immaturity and childishness. What can I say; all 30 of us were having loads of fun blasting our way around the track. People were intentionally spinning out, too, so they could kick up snow on the other racers behind them. I admit, I was blowing snow out of my rear tires to mess around with the racers behind me. When they passed me they did the same too. It was a kind of fun only those who love racing would imagine.

It seemed now, though many of us didn’t know each other, we were all best friends. We all had good laughs and were having a lot of fun playing cat and mouse passing each other down the straights and drifting around the many corners the track holds. I had announced that a big party will go on at the end of the race and the winner should it not be me will win $1,500 and have the party in their honor. I didn’t win every single race but a lot of them I did. And when I won, I still gave people some money for the participation and the fun they had. It seemed only fair.

The weather service did not issue an advisory at the time they planned to. Maybe they were having a malfunction or their systems are down. I radioed the ranch house to see if the storm was still weakening. The reply I had received from one of the ranch staff said the storm was still on track to weaken and drop only 5 inches of snow out here. So now, everything had seemed to be getting better for us and everyone could return safely without the risk of a flood engulfing the houses of the racers. Even if that had come to be, I felt secure enough with housing all of them at the ranch. We all had this kind of connection now, and only the race could give me and everyone else this sense of security.

The race continued as planned into the evening. Everyone had their lights on and everything. We all had this sense of security we’d even randomly put our turn signals on. It was a lot of fun flashing signals at people. And we’d even honk our horns. As usual by now, everyone was in the rhythm of racing. The lap counter had said about 20 now. Fifteen laps had remained for me and the other racers. Fun was to be had, and it was had to a very good degree too. The temperature, according to the sensors had dropped to around 12°F. We were all having so much fun we forgot how cold it was outside, plus our heaters in all the vehicles were running too. The temperature as indicated in my Corolla said a good 65°F. Very comfortable for racing around a snow filled track.

Now it was near towards the end of the race. I was still holding on to first place with a lead of about 2.234 seconds ahead of second place. In total the number of refueling stops I had made was only about 7 times. The number of times I spun out, though, is a lot higher than that. These spin outs though, were purely intentional with all the fun we were having. I did lose the lead a couple times from spinning out, but drifting seemed fun for all of us so the racing order changed several if not 100 times during the whole race, if not even more than that. The rally cars, of course, held the top 4 spots: Me in the Corolla, the Lancer Evolution VI, the Escort and finally the Impreza. Other vehicles were scattered about in the lower positions. Behind the four of us, was a minivan of all vehicles. The driver of that said over the radio he was very skilled because of all the driving he does down in the city and how he gets that minivan weaving through freeway traffic.

The final lap comes. Everyone is happy but in a sense sad the race is coming to an end. Everyone’s now caught up to each other; we’re all in a close race now. Everyone’s blasting horns, flashing signals and kicking up snow. Come the final stretch, I’m hardly holding on to first place. It was neck and neck between me and the Lancer Evolution VI. But as the finish line approached, the racer driving the Lancer seemed to back off a little bit. The end result, of course, was my victory once again at the track. No one was really surprised given I can practice up here whenever my heart desires. But I announced on the radio, “Huge celebration party because we all drove such a great rally!” Everyone was cheering and honking horns. We all made it through a tough but extremely fun rally event. I had also announced that everyone can park their vehicles in the garages provided. Me, of course, I get my own personal garage. But it’s not anymore fancy than the ones the participants receive.

In the ranch house, the party had begun. Champagne, beer, cake, you name it, was there for eating and drinking. These kinds of celebrations last all night too. One could do whatever they wanted here. The racers would mingle among the other ones as both female and male participants always come to prove who’s better than one another. Lots of people were kicking back, enjoying some pizza and watching TV. I talked to the other racers and congratulated them on how great of a job they did out there on the track. I also gave tips on cutting the lap times out here on the course. Music, of course, was blaring. It was great dance music and so racers danced with one another. Not only was my ranch good for racing, apparently, but it was great for meeting people and maybe even finding a date to go home to the city with. We had all done a whole day of hard racing, and having this party afterwards was a great retreat from being confined to a car for hours at a time in extremely cold weather.

It was now approaching 1:00. The party was winding down; people were off to their quarters to get a solid 8-10 hours of sleep. However, earlier, when the weather service did not issue an advisory on the storm, I had thought they were too busy or they had a mechanical error. It led me to believe nothing significant was going to occur. But curiosity finally struck me. I called the weather service office in the city.

“Hello? National Weather Service? I’m wondering why you guys did not issue an advisory on the weakening storm.” The man on the other line replied, “It’s going to happen. All our worst fears about this storm are going to happen. Your curiosity may save yours and all of your racer’s lives. For you see sir, our communications systems have been down since the time we issued the last advisory at 15:00 yesterday afternoon. Our forecast models have shown that the storm is even stronger than we initially had thought. Our models are suggesting there will be a major flood on the Maroon River and Highway 4 out to your ranch will be completely shut in due to snow storm totals of at the minimum 36 inches with a possible maximum amount of 80 inches. The storm has gained intensity and speed but the speed is forecast to slow down due to the area being favorable for slowing systems down but keeping if not strengthening the storm’s intensity.”

“Oh, man, this can’t be good, this is a very severe event,” I had said with some frailty. “Even with me knowing of the area being favorable for such events, not one of these have ever occurred since I’ve been out here, and I’ve been here 15 years!” The meteorologist continued about the storm. “This is a very unique event to the area, but these do occur with some regularity. But since you’ve only been out here for as long as you have, we haven’t had to issue Heavy Snow Warnings for the mountains. But with your ranch in place, and drawing such popularity, the government decided we need to give the Diamond Ranch area its own zone forecast not only because of you but because of how Rural Route 4 leads to the next city over the pass.” “Thank you, sir, I must take appropriate action to keep me and my racers safe,” I managed to say. “No problem,” the meteorologist replied. I hung up the phone.

Now there came a great dilemma. What to do? If I wake the racers up, they’ll be frantic and try to leave during the worst of the storm, and they could lose their lives trying to get down to the city. On the other hand, since the Maroon River is going to flood and potentially these racers’ homes are going to be destroyed, I can’t let them lose their property, and definitely not their loved ones who live down there as well. It was a very hard decision to make. The only choice was to let them know of the potential loss and to call their loved ones to tell them it’s going to flood. I also didn’t want to cause mass panic in the city either.

I came on the ranch’s intercom. “Attention everyone, this is an emergency. I have called the weather service in the city. They said the storm that was forecast to weaken and dissipate over the ranch has not dissipated and actually gained strength. The only reason they did not issue an advisory on the supposedly weakening storm is because their communications were down during the rally race. I need all of you to call your loved ones and tell them to get out of there immediately and find higher ground away from the Maroon River. The Maroon River is forecast to flood according to their models. This is going to cause a tragic loss for the city if nothing is done right away. I repeat, the storm that was supposedly weakening is going to hit. All protection processes need to be done now!”
All of the racers woke up violently. A mass panic was now occurring at the ranch. Cell phones were being used left and right. Screaming was the only thing one could hear. People were trying to leave, but I stopped them. “Listen, you can’t leave, because you won’t make it to the city in time before the pass is snowed in. You’ll lose your lives if you don’t stay here,” I yelled. “You’re better off at the ranch because we’re equipped for these kinds of major weather events!”

It was now 6:00. The morning news was on, and the only thing they were talking about is the major storm. The TV was blaring on about what impacts this will make on the Maroon River and the Diamond Ranch area. “According to the National Weather Service, the storm will be here in about 30 minutes, and heavy rains will accompany this storm that will last for over 16 hours. They have issued a Flood Warning for the Maroon River and a Heavy Snow Warning for the Diamond Ranch area, which will be snowed in entirely after the storm has passed. Snow storm totals are expected to be from 36 to 80 inches. Appropriate action must be taken now in order to protect lives and property,” the anchorwoman had frantically tried to say.

Edited by Ascendancy, 20 October 2006 - 03:49.

[Sgt. Nuker]

For the first part of the story I envisioned a guy sitting in a diner or a chair, the camera coming from behind as the guy drank his coffee and spoke about his car and the road conditions. I really like the story so far, keep at it.


Regards,

Major Nuker

[Ascendancy]

And for the record (so that I don't become a topic necromancer), I'm coming along with that story, and another one involving a war between General Granger and Kwai.

There are writings to be posted here. Just maybe later or so.

That is all.

[Crazykenny]

Nice

[Ascendancy]

You know, I wish I had more time to do writing. I've just been busy with school and stuff...plus I'm anxious to see one of my friends who's coming from Tennesee. Once she's come and spent time with me, hey, I'll put that in here. (And hopefully this isn't committing the act of reviving an old dead topic, because it's mine...)

[Ascendancy]

*Dusts off thread* Yeah, I know it's old, but it's mine, right? As you've seen in my other topic in the General Discussions forum how everything turned out to be well with my Lisa, I still promised I'd say how it went in here, for those of you who don't feel like going to my blog.



December 10, 2006 2:37 PM #
The greatest weekend ever, fuck yeah!

Hey everyone. Oh man, do I have a story for you. This weekend was probably the best one I've ever had. Lisa came up to visit this weekend and we're going to drop her and her friend off back in Reno. We picked them up on Friday. (Oh, and by the way, the picture is of me and her, duh!) <--Edit: If you wanted to see the picture you'd actually have to go to the blog...too lazy to put it in here.

I can't really describe how great this went. You'd have to be there to understand, I swear. This is like, a dream that came true. I always knew that the one for me would come and visit me. And now, this has all happened. The best part is, she's coming back in January! Oh man, I got so much coming to me, this is like living in a dream world where everything came true. And hey, I think she might wanna say something:

Okay this is Lisa(DUH)and Brandon dont like the way i type but hey he will get over it cuz i am his lil PRINCESS!!!All i can say is i had an AWSOME WEEKEND with him.It was a great experince and I am glad that he is happi.All i can say is that I LOVE HIM VERY VERY MUCH...and that will never change.Brandon means alot to me and that is going to never change.Brandon is a boi that is a dream...he is like a guy that every gurl wants and needs that is all i know.I love you Brandon Sean Weiner Forever and Alwayz and i hope that you never forget that.I will see you soon again...i know you can wait cuz you waited this long.I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYZ!!!!

Love your gurl....Lisa-Ann L.(Weiner)

So yeah, that's what she had to say. As you can tell, this girl is deeply in love with me and I can only feel the same way for her. I can't believe we made it this far after going off and on for 3 1/2 years. Well, since we have to leave soon, this all I have to say for now. Peace! - Brandon

Edited by Ascendancy, 12 December 2006 - 06:53.

[Ascendancy]

*Double posts* Yeah. This is actually the one entry I've wanted to put in here. Now, it is a huge block of text but I'm trying to preserve how I wrote then. Also note that this is from January 3, 2005, so I was 14 then and this was relatively after something bad happened then.


January 3, 2005 9:06 PM
My opinion on love

Love is something that one does not really need but something that they desire so willingly. When it comes down to it when you have known someone for so long it seems as if they've become to close to be anything more, but then again in the dating world it's the ones that you so desire are the relationships that don't last, while this is not completely true, it seems to happen in most cases. It usually is the ones that have "become too close to be anything more" are the ones that you so truly love and care for. Although I wouldn't know this, because lately...well I haven't been trying my luck worth shit, I do have friends that I think in my opinion are too close to be anything more...but hey I don't know. The ones that you desire so much are the ones you cannot have a long, steady relationship because it entirely is just a lust that you so desire and not love, which is one is really looking for. Lust is Love's worst enemy, in my opinion, because it drags you away from what one truly desires in their hearts, which is we all know someone that we can hold and someone that we can trust, either it be a long period of time, or perhaps the rest of your life. Now, I know lust has dragged me away from what I want, because even I, Brandon S. Weiner, want someone he can hold and he can trust for a long period of time. But it seems as if us..well...less popular people find it so hard to come across someone that we can love, because well maybe the one we desire is on a higher scale than us, or maybe we just think that the one we want is someone we can't have (I know a few people who I think is that way in my mind, because although I would want them so desiringly to be in my heart, they're just someone that well, I cannot have because either it wasn't meant to be or I'm just too close to them as a friend and it cannot be anything more). Well, I mean, it seems as if us, the lower class people in the social ranks just cannot have someone because of who we are, but then, like I always say, there is someone destined for us, because in reality there is, we just haven't discovered who they are, and for those who have at such a young age, apparently they got really, really, lucky. Perhaps those who are serial killers and crime committers do those because they just have given up on finding love, because for them it has been so hard, so they turn to doing something for their own personal self-accomplishment. Now I well know I'm not one of those people, because I will never give up on finding love, no matter how hard it will be, how hard it has been, all the relationships that have gone wrong, all the little factors that have been playing a part in my life. Finding love is never easy, not even for those on the higher of social ranks, because everything that seems to happen within those ranks are just lust and not love, because only those at the lower ranks do not have the lust and to be lusted by someone. When us, the lesser popular people do find love, we stick to it because it's something we can hold with our someone, and we never let it go because it's all we have left in the world that's been so very cruel to us. And when something goes wrong with the something we hold on to, well, most of us find it hard to move on because it was something we held onto for so long and it just slipped from our hands, I know this personally.....but that isn't any matter. Whenever we have a lust for someone, it seems that's all we want, because it is love that isn't really meaning anything, it's making out with a best friend basically. Having "friends with benefits" is all a lust, it can never be love, because if it was you'd be with them and doing those love making things for the sake because you love them and not lust them. I don't know that personally, but that is what I've seen from the others around me. I also personally find lust my worst enemy, because it is, and it is to everyone that wants love and not lust for the rest of their lives. The one that we are all destined for is the one we will always love, and maybe lust at the beginning because we never knew that they'd be the one for us. Those friends, those friends that you have because you have common interests, those probably are nothing more but just a friendship, but maybe it's love that you cannot obtain because you are too close of a friend. I mean, some of the friends I have, the ones I have close to me, I wish I could just give it a chance with them because I think they are very awesome...and plus, all the friends I have close to me are girls, because they are the only ones that are allowed close to me...because I know that they are there for me. And I love them for that, love as a friend. But, you know something, I always wished that one of my close friends I could just give a try with, because I like playing with the cards, playing around in the dating world, trying things that may have never happened. And these things that I want, they are definitely lust, everything is in the beginning, but it is towards when you are involved with someone for a little while that you find out that you do love them and don't wanna let them go....knowing my luck I thought I loved someone and then bang....it stops. And I feel total heartbreak. That's just my luck. Love is just something that we are not meant to have so early in our lives, but some of us like me hunt it down every single day of our lives and put time and effort into it. I know I spend a lot of time trying to find someone I can love, but it is because the material things I have have run out of their happiness bringing. I seriously do want love, and I want someone, I want them to be there for me, but again, I'm not supposed to have true love at 14 turning 15 in 28 days. True love is on different scale, it is, one higher than just plain love, and you get there when you have been involved with someone for so long that you and your someone know that is true love. Now, in our young lives, we might stumble upon "our first true love," but it always ends up in failure. It's supposed to. Because time is telling you that you are not ready yet for love. No way. "Not at 14..." I said when I cried that one faithful night...because I thought I had true love for someone, and time told me "Fuck no you don't. Now shut the fuck up." Now, as for this, I mean, I'm not playing the cards, because like one of my friends said "You're too afraid to let someone close to you, because you're afraid of being hurt." And it's true. I really am afraid of letting myself be too open to having someone close to me. Because getting hurt is really, really, painful. You just sink into a state of depression, usually one you don't get out of for a very long time...I can say this because I'm not fully out of this depression I've been in. I am slowly rising out of it, I am indeed, for lately everything has been going my way, it has...the cards have been doing some good for me. All I can say is that I do want someone right now, I really do..someone offline that I can hold in my arms for a little while, even a week is fine with me, because I know from experience if I get too involved when it comes to the point of breaking up I basically wanna drop dead on the floor. I just hope luck is on my side this January....well I guess this is all for now, if I feel like it, then, well, I'll make a part 2 to this whole giant assed opinion. Bye everyone. -Brandon aka The One and Only ›››βцяит Łαяdλѕѕ‹‹‹

[Ascendancy]

*Well, dusting off my old old thread eh, so...for the sake of not getting kicked don't complain I gravedug my own topic.*

I have a new proposition that I must write. Though the last thing is my opinion on love from years ago I believe it has changed. Bear in mind I'm also forming my opinion as I write this out.

My Opinion on Love - Version 2.

Love is the source of all joy in this world. It provides a person with the warmth and everlasting hope in this world, especially with the events occuring on the world stage. Some of us already are lucky to enjoy it to the fullest extent and some of us have only touched the tip of the iceberg on all that there is to offer for this feeling that drives people to be with one another.

However, some of us (including myself) don't get so lucky. Sure, we've felt the warmth it offers and the compassion it provides, but in an instant it's all gone. It's sad a teenage mind can go off one whim and then all of a sudden change to another one. It's an inevitable event. Now, my situation at this present moment in time is not like the past where I believed someone was waiting to be in my arms as soon as they got back from California, no -- this involves a great amount of distance as well. I'll explain it a bit but it is not the point that I am trying to get across.

The person who I've well, been "drawn" to is named Annie. Annie lives in a small town in Kansas. Unfortunately I managed to find the approximate distance from me to her: about 1,624 miles. It's safe to say at this moment in time there is a less than 1% chance I could ever be with her, seeing as she also has a boyfriend who she really does not like anymore. She likes me.

Now, to be honest, I've been in plenty of long distance relationships myself. One of them actually came to the point where she spent time with me. It was a great occasion for me at the time, knowing the fact now I can make them work. Now that the knowledge has been acquired that I can do such a thing, if all goes well here with me and Annie I plan on taking a road trip after I graduate in 2008.

But, to everything that is good there is a downfall. The biggest downfall in this situation is the distance. Knowing the distance hurts nonetheless, but it wasn't our choice to be the distance we are. It just kind of happened that way. Oh, the power of the internet can be such a great thing and such a terrible thing. But love knows no boundaries and knows no distance. It is only the persons involved that are aware of it. And if the bond is so strong, it can come true. As I mentioned before I know this first hand...sadly it wasn't all as good as I thought it would be as it just kinda slipped away. It's saddening to say, but it is only true.

I don't know why all the love and compassion I have found in my still rather very young life to be so far away from me. Is it mocking me or is it just something I've dealt with for so long? I don't know, to be honest. Many people are in the same boat as me, but they also probably have the ability to go see one another whereas I don't have the ability to see Annie at this moment in time. Again, love knows no boundaries and knows no distances. Though I must admit I don't give up things so easily even if I was double the distance I am now from someone. It's the thought of eventually being with someone that keeps me going through.

All I can say about long distance relationships is that one must have the dedication and the desire and the time. If you do not have any of those then it will not work out. I've been the victim of many failures. In fact, most of my local relationships have faltered because of either myself or someone influencing the girl's decisions. I hate it with a burning passion that one's friend can call the shots but they can't by themselves. That's not being wise with love. That's being careless. No pure hearted person would go and leave their significant other just because someone did not approve.

And, to an extent, it seems those who have the material objects in their life can find someone a lot quicker than those of us without those things. Why that is so, is unknown fully to me, but again you can always attract attention by waving $100 bills or driving that brand new Honda Civic that you souped up. When I am with someone I can't show them those pretty material things. All I can do as an honest boy is show compassion. And that's what should be the driving force of a relationship (and I'm sure it is when you're older), but no as teenagers you always gotta have the best car or the most money or the nicest clothes. Plus it seems you have to be a complete asshole. No wonder they say "Nice guys finish last".

However, my point about love still has yet to been really said straight out. I think it's the most wonderful thing in the world even if I have not experienced it on the scale that would be called true love. It is doubtful at 17 years old one would have such an experience. You may come close for sure, but in my mind it remains doubtful. And I'll mention again I do not know why long distance relationships are all I have had that were truly good in my heart and in my mind. It seems as if though, the girls in my town don't see the person they should be seeing in me. I believe that, I have so much to offer and yet since I don't have all the latest and coolest things they simply look onward. What I wouldn't give for something local to be so special and so kind. Then again, if Annie were here all that is bad around here would be gone and I would be in a pleasant state of mind everytime I would be around her.

Well, I don't know how else to go on about this rather important topic in my life. I know why I listen to the band HIM though, for sure, and it's because their music keeps me calm through the day and it talks about having love and losing it. It just connects with me. And while I'm still on my neverending quest to find the one for me, this music will be played in reminder of it. It just soothes my soul. And while the days go on, I, for now anyway, will hope I get the opprotunity to be with Annie in real life as that would be such an accomplishment for me now. Whether that does not change is unforeseen, but it looks pretty good right now. And to the rest of you reading this rather long post, I hope for the best. There is someone for everyone out there, you just have to look in the right places or be at the right time. No one is left alone on this Earth unless they choose to be.

Regards,

Ascendancy

[Sgt. Nuker]

It's time someone else other than you write in this thread. I feel guilty for not having commented on your other works. I'll be honest though, I've not had a decent idea of what to say about your pieces, since I feel when I do make a comment, that it should be heartfelt and not merely a sentence saying "good job".

Your insight on that thing we call "love" can't be called wrong because it's how you've experienced it. As you go through life, I'm sure you could expand on this. I do what you do, in regards to music, though "HIM" isn't one of the bands I pop in my CD player. I do tend to listen to sad/gloomy songs, but like you, I also listen to songs that make me calm or get my mind off love. Hang in there mate. If you haven't figured out what to do yet, I know you will. If things don't work out, there's a girl out there that's looking for a guy like you .


My best,

Nuker

[Lord Atlantis]

Sorry for not commenting on this sooner but I kinda forgot this thread existed.

All I can say is that I hope all of your efforts and feeling aren't put to vain. There is a girl out there for everyone, mate. Something that I had to remind myself about.

[Ascendancy]

A Glorious Day - 26 September 2007

Well, something great happened today. It's something I definitely would not have even guessed, but hey. I have someone now. And no, not on the internet either. Local. For once. Her name? Stacey. Such a great bubbly girl. I asked her out yesterday.

Being the negative person I am I was thinking it would not end up this way. She needed time to think it over, and at lunch today I find out it's a yes. Definitely brightened my day and from here out things look brighter for little old me. Her exact answer was this: "After hours of deliberation, the answer is yes." And so I just do some little victory dance sitting at the table, and my day went smoother than ever. Finally, someone to look forward to seeing in the morning and afternoon.

What's still up in the air in my mind is how long this will last. I'm going to be positive and assume it will last a while. Given this is only the first 24 hours of time, anything could happen. But I hope for the best, and I feel I am in no danger of losing what has been so far a great thing. It came out of the blue no doubt. Her friends are supportive of this and I'm sure they also helped in her decision. They all seem to like me as well so I fit in with her group just fine.

Finally, this guy has something he can hold on to. It sure has been a long time...

[General Kirkov]

Very detailed work, one could almost picture him/herself there! Keep at it!

[Lord Atlantis]

Congrats mate, I'm glad to hear that you have finally found someone who you can actually visit and get to know.

[Ascendancy]

I realise I'm a bit late for your comments Lord Atlantis but what started so soon also ended today around noon. She said "I don't wanna date a friend." However I also got asked out right around 14:00, told her I needed a night to sleep on it. More details to come tomorrow.

[Lord Atlantis]

Hmmmm, well, think carefully on what you say and do. I have faith that you will do the best thing possible.

[Ascendancy]

Well, here's my decision: I decided against it because I'm sure there's a chance it could end up just like yesterday. That and the fact Alex is still up in the air (amazing yeah), so that's it. 'Til someone shows me they'll stick around, I'm done.

[Lord Atlantis]

Well, just keep in mind that you may need to go out on a limb and see if it can work out. You have a long life ahead of you, and plenty of chances to find the one for you. I went out on a limb, and it was well worth it ^^.

[Sgt. Nuker]

It doesn't hurt to try. What does hurt is not trying and living with yourself knowing that you never tried to make anything happen. You can do it mate. Just give it your best . Remember, if the head is right, the body will follow. Your thoughts are incredibly powerful. You have control over what you do and how it effects people. If you don't think you can, you won't, it's that simple. Positive thought begets positive action .


Regards,

Nuker

[Ascendancy]

The Confession - 1 October 2007

Dear readers of this topic,

As the title says there is something that needs to be confessed. For you see, I have deceived you all into what I wanted to believe was reality in my life. Not to say the events that occured last week are not true, but in essence I have been hiding something from you all. Something that will probably make you think a lot less of me as a person. I can't say why I have done this to you all but I express my deepest regrets for making you think I've lost all hope.

There is in fact someone I have not mentioned who has been in my life quite some time now and she has to be the love of my life. Her name is Amanda Meagan Vey. She has shown me the utter dedication that I need in order to make it through this world. But like most of my other relationships I am separated by her by exactly 1,781.29 miles. Me and her have been through a lot, and I've hurt her and she has hurt me. But we have seen eye to eye and made everything up. And I could not believe that it would come to the point where she may be in my life for a very long time.

My heart has been deceived by these long distance things so many times I wanted to seek love and affection elsewhere, but it failed because the gods themselves must be putting me back in the direction of Amanda. There is something about her that makes me wish I could be with her forever and ever and have no one else even dare try take her away from me. In fact I will admit that on April 1 of this year I had asked her to marry me. And her answer was a yes. After that first day for a while I had told myself I could not commit to someone who I had never met to something so extraordinary. But in time she had grown on me and I could now easily see myself with her as nothing had ever really gone wrong (besides the low points in our relationship that we had went through and came back only to be stronger as a couple).

Now, we have broken up once. And it was my own doing, but the following weekend I had only realised what she meant to me and she took me back. I was amazed at this sight but it made me only think so much higher of her for forgiving me. And she has forgiven me so many times that I don't deserve such a person. But the flame she has for me must be undying. And after months I had discovered mine for her is also undying.

She has hurt me in such a big way. That way was liking my friend Levi. She even cheated on me with him. But I had explained to her that my heart has a defence system and it tries to keep people away from getting in and breaking it. She then forgave me for that. I've also cried on the phone for her, asking myself why I had done all the wrong things to her. And she was such a sweetheart for telling me everything was going to be okay. I owe her my life.

There was even a point in the earlier stages that she was going to come and see me during the summer. But due to unfortunate circumstances that did not happen. We suffered through having to go without each other longer but there is hope on the horizon for me and her: this upcoming Christmas Break. She plans to fly me up there and I'm going to stay with her and her dad for a week or two. Now I really hope this way works out. Her parents aren't so nice to her overall...and if anything goes wrong during that time I don't know what will happen. I can only hope that this time is even occuring as it will forge the bond that will not be broken between me and her. If this chance to see her comes through and I do, I will only say I have lived a dream. But if it doesn't, my heart will long for her even more and I have to wait until this summer. Me and her know we cannot live without each other and everyday without one another is another day that hurts deeply.

My love for her was not as strong as it was until some months ago when it clicked in my head she is such a unique beautiful girl that I could not give up for anything. As I said in the beginning I broke up with her because I didn't know what I wanted. But when we got back together, it became very clear. And the proposal became not a joke but a reality. I really do hope if all works as it should then months down the road I will have made the tie and she will be mine for all the time that is to come ahead of me.

At 17 one would not think they are ready to make such a big step forward in their lives. However she is so mature and ready for it, I know it. If I end up with her this winter I know that brighter days will come and when I graduate from Dayton High School on June 5 and have all the other required things to go be with her, then it shall be so. I don't think she is doing this because she is needy and just wants someone around her all the time, I think she wants all of this because she has truly fallen in love with me. And I cannot let someone go who I have such the deepest feelings for.

Making contact with her on a regular basis has been hard. This is only because she moved out of her mom's house in Wisconsin and now lives with her dad in Minnesota. However when we do talk it is only of our love for one another and all our hopes and dreams to be able to express this love and to show the world that we can do this. Before the move talking to her on a normal basis was a normal thing. And even then we talked about how our days will be glorious and prosperous. It has been that way for quite some time now.

Overall yes, I have lied to you, the great people at E-Studios about my love life. It was only because of how long I have been without my dear Amanda and I wanted something else when I knew my heart had her name written all over it. And it always will, so long as she is in my life. She has done so much for me, even sending her favourite DVD over to me and writing notes and letters expressing how much she needs me. I need her badly. She is my guiding light in a world shrouded in darkness, despair, and depression. I hope you all forgive me for this, but if you want me shoved off to the side I will understand.

So now you know where I stand in my life...at a place where I did not want any of you to see. But it was only fair you guys saw what I see everyday. Just wish me luck on being with her and having everything go the way it should. I'll need it for sure.

With the deepest regards,


Ascendancy

[Ascendancy]

Today I Walk with a Heavy Heart - 15 November 2007

Yeah. Today's not the most brilliant of days. I realise I have been using this thread for pouring my emotions out. And it's going to continue so long as it doesn't get offensive or it needs to be locked. I like pouring my heart out once in a while. And today, is one of those days.

First thing's first. Last night our last parakeet passed away. He was a great bird and all, though you could never take him out of the cage and hold him. He was so full of life and chirped away everyday. But now he's gone, just like the rest of them. It's amazing how the downfall of the most greatest things, especially life, can happen so quickly. It saddens me, yes it's true but that's not the main point of why I walk with a heavy heart today.

It's Amanda. No, she hasn't done anything wrong. She would never in her life do such a thing. But last night I couldn't take it anymore. I just...had to cry for her last night. This loneliness I've been enduring for so long without her is getting to me quickly, as it did last night. And no, listening to slow songs never helps. But it lets the emotions out of me. I know I'm a month or less away from being with her. That's all I could ask for. But this is the one last big hill I have to get over, the anticipation and anxiety. Why I cried last night is beyond me. It never happens.

It makes me very depressed that I cannot be with "The One". I'm sure it kills her as much as it does me. But I don't talk to her that often anymore and it makes me wonder what in the hell might be happening out of my control, out of my presence. For all I know something bad might've happened. And I sincerely hope nothing has gone wrong with her. If anything bad happens to her it's going to impact my life in more ways than one. You could say I've given her my life. And without her, my existence is rather pointless. Of course, I couldn't think of killng myself, but...I would be dead inside.

I really wish that soon this will all go away and that everything will be perfect. Perhaps in the back of my mind I know it's true. But...reality has been such an asshole to me lately. These past couple weeks have only been full of useless drama that's affected my reputation around here. And you can blame an ex-girlfriend for it...saying I cheated on her and as a result of this even a couple Tuesdays ago I get attacked by a girl...as in physical harm. And now I've been getting ridiculed for it at school, which has only made me an angry and isolated person. Amanda is the key to my destiny, my bliss, my peaceful life. And if it ends up she comes living with us, she will show those assholes at school...because she'll be with me one day there to prove all the naysayers wrong and show the truth.

But, as for now, I have to walk this road alone. Just like I have for nearly a year...and yet the world around me continues to be perfectly fine, everyone's happy, doing their own thing. I really and truly do feel isolated in this little corner of the world. And it is probably because The One is not with me. When will she be? Soon? I sincerely hope so, because I don't think I can go on any longer without her...please, someone bring me to her, or bring her to me. I would seriously be forever in your debt.

Well, there's no point in going on how I'm without her...I have to stay upbeat and look towards the future. How I will be able to do that is beyond me. Wish me luck people...


Ascendancy

[Sgt. Nuker]

When we come to a cross-roads that we think no one but us can travel, therein lies a choice of the unpopular. You don't want to have make the decision, and you've found yourself countless times before denying and fleeing from this choice. But then that day happens, and the decision has a timer. Chose now, or the choice will decide itself. On one hand, if you chose it, you know you're the one who made the choice. If you wait and let time chose for you, a piece of you disappears, never to return.

I think you've realized what you must do, and if Amanda truly loves and cares for you, when you return from your walk alone, she'll be there with her arms open toward you. You have nothing to fear and even though you may not know what lies in wait, you'll get through this ordeal. This trial by fire will help you in the end, even when it seems you'll lose everything. You'll pull through this mate, I know it (I've been there too).


Kind regards,

Nuker