Posted 10 February 2009 - 06:53
You know you're from the Southern US if you know all four seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
You know you're from the Southern US if you only own four spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete/tabasco and ketchup.
You know you're from the Southern US if you measure distance in minutes.
You know you're from the Southern US if you use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
You know you're from the Southern US if you think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know you're from the Southern US if you make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
You know you're from the Southern US if you find 90 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
You know you're from the Southern US if you think catfish is the other white meat.
You know you're from the Southern US if you know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
You know you're from the Southern US if you have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same winter/fall day.
You know you're from the Southern US if you know tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
You know you're from the Southern US if sweet tea can be served at any meal.
You know you're from the Southern US if it's not soda, cola, or pop, it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor: 'What kinda coke you want?'
You know you're from the Southern US if you know and understand the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
You know you're from the Southern US if you can show or point out to someone the general direction of "over yonder."
You know you're from the Southern US if you understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You know you're from the Southern US if you think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
You know you're from the Southern US if you think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
You know you're from the Southern US if you can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee
You know you're from the Southern US if everyone knows what chicken wire is.
You know you're from the Southern US if the first day of hunting season is a valid reason to skip school.
You know you're from the Southern US if you know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana pudding!)
You know you're from the Southern US if you know at least 10 people who go by their middle name.
You know you're from the Southern US if NASCAR and home state college football are practiced religions.
You know you're from the Southern US if a '65 Mustang is the equivalent to a 24k diamond.
You know you're from the Southern US if during the summer, you can run out of food and not go shopping for a week because everyone you know invited you to a "fish fry".
You know you're from the Southern US if barbecuing is not only a pastime, it's a sport, or a way of life, depending on what region you're in.
You know you're from the Southern US if you know what snipe hunting is.
You know you're from the Southern US if you know what frog gigging is.
You know you're from the Southern US if you have gone "cow tipping".
You know you're from the Southern US if you never insult your elders to their face until you've learned words that they don't know.
You know you're from the Southern US if you know what cantankerous means.
You know you're from the Southern US if you know the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "have" them, you "pitch" them.
You know you're from the Southern US if you have more than one gun rack.
Southern US rules:
* Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
* Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a Pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
* They are cattle & fishing lakes. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
* So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.
* So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
* If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
* Yeah, we eat Crappi and Catfish and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
* The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
* We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
* No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.
* When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, meats, and meats
* You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
* Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --it spooks the fish.