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I actually see what Carrow's talking about, but it's easily misunderstood. Friendship and mutual warmth is the most important part of a relationship - but it can turn into friendship without intimacy and interest. If you end up being "like a brother" to her, if you never make the proper move, show interest, ACT instead of REACT, you will end up as a tear-stained teddybear. She'll snuggle up to you on the couch, tell you about all her emotions, complain to you about her newest love interests, perhaps fall asleep on your lap... Never anything more.

...sounds really sad... Like you have it all but you don't at the same time. Sometimes it just gets really confusing. No wonder there's no tutorial out for this kind of modding.
But seriously, yeah it is sooo confusing.

Mathias, on 19 Apr 2007, 03:40, said:

Shit, I WISH she would even do that much. We work together and go to school together and I pick her up and take her home all the time and we're together all the time but it's never like a date, it's just "friends hanging out." And as adamantly as she insists that I'm her best friend in the whole world and my friendship means more than anything else, she doesn't even hug me unless I initiate it. And I'm sitting here wanting to go out with her the whole time. It friggin SUCKS dude.

@ Billy: Bogus, dude. That really blows

@ CodeCat and Blaat: Mac...er...Leatherneck and Mathias did a really good job of explaining what I was trying to say.

@ AllStarz: Shit no, if a girl flirts with you, flirt right back. Unless you're not interested.

She's Muslim.

muslisms don't forbid datting as far as i know XD well would like to know what sect does O.o
Edited by cryptkeeper, 19 April 2007 - 19:54.

Dating, maybe not, unless they're traditionalists and believe in arranged marriages. If not that, maybe it's based on age. If that is the case, I'm really sorry to hear that Billy. I have a feeling you really like(d) her.

@Carrow: From the way you are telling us things, it sounds like you may have asked this girl out already, and in return, she's insisted that you're nothing more than a friend to her. If you haven't asked her out, try it man. No harm in "testing the waters". If she doesn't want to, and instead just wants to be friends, then at least you know where you stand with her. I understand that won't change the way you feel about her, but you'll have solid knowledge of how she feels.


Regards,

Nuker

LCPL Carrow, on 19 Apr 2007, 14:27, said:

If a girl is flirting with you, she wants something, and that thing may not necessarily be you.

i can never tell if a girl is interested i mean im totally clueless

Rump, you're not alone. Most guys are this way. I've realized that girls don't send out direct signals, or aren't always direct in telling you how they feel toward you (if they do this at all). Just be you, and you'll find a girl that like you for who you are.


Regards,

Nuker

I don't think guys are always clear about it either. I mean, I think gender barriers aren't as strong as people make them out to be. If you think that "women have the easy way", then I think you'd not be correct. Just want to say that, as some words in this thread makes me feel someone may think that and, being a woman, I feel I should post my thoughts also.

I know I'm not "the average person" (and glad for it). From my experience I do send out direct signals that are recieved and understood.

I may be a rare, special kind but I kinda think people should stop generalise a lot. Sometimes it makes me feel I can't call myself a "woman" or a "human" even, because I don't fit your "stereotype".

Major Nuker, on 19 Apr 2007, 19:28, said:

Yeah, a little over a year ago. We broke up after about a week, but I never did stop liking her. I'd be just fine if she'd do what Mathias described, but she won't even do that...it sucks, but hey life's a beach and then you drown.

@ AllStarz: Not necessarily. Alot of the time, true, but not always. And if she wants something, usually she's willing to give something too...

Update on me.

I saw her earlier today. She said "hi" to me first but I said a really quiet hi back that I don't think she heard. After this, we didn't speak at all and she avoided looking at me the whole time.

I think she was trying to be friendly to me but kinda got the idea that I wasn't very happy (understatement) about being cut off like that. (No replies, nothing. For the past few days)
I'm getting the sense that she still wants to be friends but not to push it any further but today I think she's also gotten the idea that I'm kinda beat up about it.

Just what I think. The first paragraph of that is the facts. Everything else is my thoughts.

This is the part where you either forget her or totally weird her out.

I know that most girls that like you will hang out with you even when you're with a bunch of guys and laugh at your jokes often. They'll usually whisper to their friends, sometimes point at you and giggle but that depends on the girl. I haven't yet entered a serious relationship with any girl. Maybe I should socialize a bit more and go to more parties, etc...

As much as I know this hurts for you to see, she's moved on it seems. I am sorry to hear that mate, as, from what I've heard, you haven't done anything wrong. Stuff like this does happen though, and unfortunately, it happens to the nice people, who deserve more. Well, fear not, for there's hope. Just pick yourself up from this, dust off, and start the search again. You will find someone, I just can't tell you where or when. Sometimes, it just happens.


Regards,

Nuker

I mean she looked quite taken aback by how I reacted to her and maybe she regrets cutting me off like she did. It was a play rehearsal so when her part came (its a major part) she made mistakes that she normally wouldn't have and some of the energy in it was lost (a little). It seemed like she was distracted in some way.

When I look back and analyse her pattern of behaviour (I tend to do this a lot), it seems like maybe she did like me but she didn't want to go out for some reason. She did lie to get out of it but she did it in a way that was less hurtful (to her, maybe) and so it seems like she didn't want to go out but it wasn't because of the way she felt about me.

When I say pattern of behaviour, I mean this:

1. Goes out of her way to say something to me, strike up conversation when I'm around.

2. Always looks happy to see me.

3. Have a tendency to get partnered up for class activities (We first met in Drama, acting as lovers. A great start)

4. Only guy she will speak to without having been spoken to first. I've seen some of her guy friends, there aren't many, and they will always have the first word.

5. There are a few other little things here and there and I can't really describe.

Yeah, I understand what you're saying mate. What I find funny is that she seemed surprised by how you reacted. That makes me think she's not used to having someone return outright rudeness with kindness, let alone interest.

In church there was a lesson, and during part of it, an old Verizon commercial was shown. It was the one where the lady walks out, sees a guy who likes her, yet she doesn't like him, and she lies to him and tells him her network is unreliable (though she has Verizon, apparently one of the most reliable networks around). After the guy leaves, she turns and tells the Verzion guys to come out.

Anyway, I hope you see my point. What the group concluded was that the lady in the commercial was actually trying to be nice to the guy by telling him in a "nice" way that she didn't want to see him. Not every girl does this, and I understand that, but it seems to be a common thing that happens. Girl isn't interested in the guy, guy seems kind, girl doesn't want to hurt guy, girl thinks she's doing the guy a favor by telling him a "nice" lie, girl never sees guy again, this sort of thing. yes, it would be better to tell the truth, but all of us know the truth hurts. In that case, it's the kinder, gentler side of a woman that takes over at that point.

On the lighter side of things, LOL at point number 3 .


My best,

Nuker

Well if that's the case, then don't give up just yet, mate. Just wait to see what she does now. If she really does like you then she probably did feel bad about cutting you off and lying to you like that, and once she has time to get over being upset that she upset you, she'll probably say something...but Nuker's right about not keeping your hopes too high.

you´ll feel when she likes you

CoLT, on 12 Apr 2007, 18:08, said:

Tipical Spanish Joke

Quote

He has reason , if she loves u, makes to feel you, being very much a nice mas you possessing private things etc
Edited by Kid, 23 April 2007 - 21:29.

Sorry, Kid, but like your other posts, I have difficulty understanding what you mean. I understand that english probably isn't your first language. And yeah, the 'typical' spanish joke didn't go down so well for this reason.

And I can't make sense of your last sentence in that last post, very sorry. I am trying though.

So... I believe this is a rather difficult matter.

I tried to read all the posts, but frankly there's so much information there that I can't remember it all.

So before I post any stupidity I just want to recap to see if I'm in the right path.

So Colt, what you are saying is that you have a good friendship with a girl you've dated a while ago, sadly the relationship wasn't very successful and after a short time the relationship came to an end. And now you are stuck into that "friend zone" and though you want something more than this you're not sure she wants it too, and hence your question... I am more or less right?


P.S: don't get offended by Kid's jokes. We spanish have a very particular sense of humour. I have yet to find someone who is not shocked at the first impression when meeting us.

Edit: damn tyo errors
Edited by Caronte, 25 April 2007 - 10:47.

Caronte, sorry, you've misinterpreted it. I've not dated her. No. I asked her out and well... she said yes. But then she made up an excuse for why she can't go but she didn't mean for it to get rid of me. She didn't want to go out with me but didn't want it to hurt. I think it was a shock because I got the impression that she was interested but for some reason didn't want to go out.

Well, glad I asked then...

You've had pretty good advices in my opinion. Mj. Muker has pinponted a good thing I would like to emphasize: be a gentleman. That's very important in my opinion. It implies many things; from being patient and understanding to know when to leave someone his/her own space. And many other thing I have yet to discover...

But -and I talk from painstaking experience- you *must*, and I insist in must, know when not to be a moron -no mean to offend here-. Friendship is a good thing, being close to someone is always nice, but if you have romantic aspirations there should be limits to what someone should endure. Yours shan't always be the shoulder where he/she would cry, you shouldn't be the one he/she always talk about his/her problems -especially love problems- etc... I hope you see what I mean...

I learned that the hard way, I had a girl fixed in my mind for a long time and I endured many things hoping she would see... what? I don't even remember now...

I'm not saying you are in that position, but just be sure you don't fall in this, since it's painfull and usually useless.

Also, where's light try not to see shadows. I mean try not to think that every gesture/word has an occult meaning... These kind of double-entendre thinking can lead to wrong paths and tremendous errors...

Colt, best of wishes and all the luck I can spare. And if I offended someone with my words, or my words are completely unrelated with the actual situation, well... just beat me senseless with a rock and left me bleeding on the sidewalk

Maybe "moron" is too strong a term, or even perhaps the wrong term. I don't mean for this to be taken the wrong way Caronte, because everything else you said in that statement is right. I believe the term you are searching for is "Putting one's foot down", or knowing when to put one's foot down.

Currently I have two girls that I chat with on a pretty regular basis. The one girl is happily attached to a guy (to which I respect and chat with on a friendship basis), and the other has recently seperated from her man (a mutual agreement between the both of them). She has made up her mind, that until she's finished with college, she's not going to date. The other issue was that she's been far too busy to see "her man". Well, you may be wondering where I'm going with this. I'm afraid it's really quite simple really. Even when she was going out (and she's admitted to me that this is her nature), she'd flirt with me. I knew she was taken (and happily at that), and I tried my very hardest NOT to flirt back. Inevitably though, I'd end up flirting, which come to think of it, may not have effected the way either of us feel toward each other.

Anyway, I've been told by the girl that still has her boyfriend "Yeah, if I didn't have *insert name of b/f here*, yeah, you'd be it." That's good to know, but at the same time, it tells me "you're not quite right for me", or something to that effect. The other girl and I have come to the conclusion that with all the flirting we've done, it's all empty. An empty promise if you will. Sure, I allow myself to partake of this activity, but each night when I get home, I think "why do I let myself get into this mess?" Maybe it's because I seek companionship and that outside of those two and the people I chat with online, I have no real friends (yes, it's true). I would like nothing more than to have someone to call "my girlfriend", someone to love, to hold, and to care for, but it doesn't seem, at least to me anyway, anyone who wants what I have to offer.

I guess I should have let it be known earlier, but I don't date a girl just to date her. Of course, with the two girlfriends I've had (technically it was just one since the other...well, we won't go there), I can't say I have a wealth of knowledge on how to get a girl to go out with you. I only know the basics, and for me right now, I feel like Hitch. I can help someone esle get a girlfriend, but I can't do the same myself.

There is more in me to write, maybe I'll update this post later, but right now I must be off to class.


Friendly regards,

Nuker