172 replies to this topic

[Razven]

Moscow, Russia
“I understand that you have an urgent declaration regarding the relationship of our nation?” The Ambassador of China asked his grim faced Russian counterpart as he took out a short official letter from his pocket, as the Ambassador’s one eyebrow raised comically over the other, his lips pursed together. “So, when does this start?”
“Three hours ago, when we ordered a decapitation strike on your strategic assets, now if you excuse me, I have work to do, I cannot be seen chatting with my nation’ enemies” The Russian responded awkwardly and looked around before quickly a small box into the Chinese’s hands before returning to his paperwork. “You and your countrymen will be taking the last Aeroflot flight to neutral Mexico, goodbye.”
It wasn’t until Ambassador had gotten back into the car to go back to the embassy to inform his country of this grave news when he reached into the pocket for a smoke when he remembered the box, curious of its contents, the box was opened to reveal a small jar of Russia’s best caviar. The Ambassador smiled to himself, before putting the jar back into his pocket. He puffed on his cigarette as he looked through the window, staring out into gloomy Moscow dawn, there was going to be a lot less of a reason to smile once he got back to China.

Russia/China border, 30
“Major Golovko, the division is ready to move out on your command.” A private, fresh from training camp, barely 20 years old ducked into the hull of the command vehicle to inform of the division’s development to the Major as the BMP-3K started its engines and rumbled and jostled on the muddy Siberian road.
“The order still stands, commence the operation.” Golovko replied as he unfurled what seemed to be a large paper map, pointing at locations, which is faithful and loyal lieutenants would mark down with a special marker onto the map itself. The private looked at the map puzzled until it saw that the map was actually a foldable LCD electronic display, the pen that marked were real time satellite photos – photos of the Chinese-Mongolian-Russian border and the armored column that has amassed at the said border.
“Operation Foxhound starts now. Commence firing.” Golovko said, his voice calm and monotonous, the brief silence shattered when the entire ground shook with the force of an minor earthquake as the both their regiment and many others all across the Siberian border opened fire, the MSTA-S’s 152mm howitzers booming in unison, the echo of the opening barrage barely receding when the screeching sounds of incendiary rockets fired from Buratinos masking the thunderous roar of Russia’s finest tank division rolling into China and Mongolia. Many people were going to die by if his predictions were correct, Golovko thought, but this war was a matter of his nation’s survival.

Golovko’s father fought the Mujahedeen in Afghanistan, his grandfather served in Chechnya, his great-grandfather was a tank-commander in the Great Patriotic War. A Golovko is ‘born into combat, not for glory but for the defense of the Motherland from enemies. To fight enemies both abroad and internally inside the nation to protect our homes.” Funny how that translated into invading China and invading somebody else’s home, the Major wondered the irony of the isutation.


As usual, read and review.

Edited by Razven, 14 May 2009 - 17:09.

[Rayburn]

I like the short, snapshot-like nature of your writings. Despite the brevity, you still manage to add
a healthy degree of characterisation even though some of the characters only appear in one scene.

I'm also looking forward to a continuation of the UFO-plot.

[Razven]

Dr Ash will be making a comeback at some point in the future, under Towne's payroll.

Edited by Razven, 14 May 2009 - 17:10.

[Destiny]

Hmm...so essentially there are no Infernos and/or Nuke Cannons defending the borders? The PLA hasn't mobilized yet? Interesting...I'm looking forward to this.

[Razven]

Tao's dead, his army isn't mobilised except for a few lone border patrols and static defence emplacements.

[Destiny]

I see...quite a pity really. Was looking forward to see some Tactical Nuke MiGs sending a couple of Sentinels flying into the sky action between Russia and the Chinese Atom.

[Razven]

Tao may be gone, but his army is far from over.

[Razven]

The defection of General Juhziz - 2018:

"Kassad has given his word. He will fight to the death to delay Deathstrike's forces. God-willing, he will live to fight another day, like he always does. Sulaymaan, I trust that our...deal with the Russians are going smoothly? Good, then I look forward to your shipment of hardware. The Americans have taken its toll on my men. " General Juhziz put down the phone and sat down. "For too long have we been lead by blind men but no more! This time, we fight to take back our lands. To rid the pestilence that is the GLA once and for all."

"It won't be an easy task."

Juhziz sighed. "We have to try. With the information of what has happened in the Chinese controlled territories, brothers and sisters of our own religion massecred by that clown, Thrax. And for what? The Chinese have lost merely a regiment of men, a mere drop of blood as they still stand poised to form a new Group Army as we speak! I believe Sulaymaan shares the same sentiments but with how things are recently, one can never be sure of an other's allegiance."

"That is true, I..we were surprised when you contacted us."

Juhziz smirked. "Between you, the Russian and the Chinese. I'd take my chances with you. The Russians are still uninterested in world affairs, holed up like a slumbering bear in winter. The Chinese are...less kind to their past adversaries than most would imagine." He paused as he looked at the wall with disinterest. "I assume that our arrangement is secure?"

"Yes, in the case that you are to fail to repel the GLA from the country and it becomes possible that you are to be captured or killed, we will arrange for you to head to a neutral country in Africa. I have to remind you, once you are in Africa, we can no longer guarantee your safety.

"That is understood. And my men?" Juhziz knew nothing could be done for those he would be abandoning, but he thought he might ask anyway.

"How many men can a regional flight carry? There is your answer." The man stood up, adjusted his cap and uniform. "Oh, and Juhziz. Once you are in Africa, I do not want to hear from you again. We will know where you are and where your family are. If you want to ensure that you do not wake up to a bombing run, I suggest that once you get to Africa, you disappear."

"That was not part of our original deal!" Juhziz protested and slammed a fist against the table.

"It is now. Oh, and at precisely 3am, an explosion will occur at the south wall of this complex, the gates to your door will be simulated to malfunction. Do I make myself clear?" Juhziz nodded. "Good, then there is nothing left to discuss." The man turned around, "Guards, interrogation of Cell 3 has ended, open Gate 3."

General Juhziz frowned as he now sat alone, watching General Granger walk off to wherever infidel Generals walk off to.

[Destiny]

I love the epic ending ...now where DO infidel generals walk off to anyway?

[Razven]

"Now roll your D20 dice." The ranger said enthusiastically as he nudged the dice towards the Colonel. "Come on, see if you perform a surprise attack on Ivan the Soviet Commander.

"Here goes." The Colonel picked the dice up, rolled it around in his palms before letting it drop back onto the table. "Oh wow, I guess I sneak up on him and gut him like pig and his goons are none the wiser!"

"Sir, too much detail." The ranger grimaced at the mental image of the Colonel laughing like a manic while repeatedly stabbing his prey with a knife. It was at that particular point where he noticed General Townes looking down at the table, which had little figurines, several 20-sided dice in a corner and player stat sheets.

"What is this?" Townes frowned as he picked up a little figurine, inspecting it.

"Dungeons and Dragons, sir." The ranger replied timidly, fearing for his future career and how the General's going to think of his unit now that they've been caught playing a role-playing game.

"Dungeons and Dragons set in a modern era, we designed it. It's called Russia and Russians." The Colonel added quite proudly. The ranger looked at the Colonel, wondering does he even know what sort of situation he is in and how he of all people could lack so much common sense.

Townes put the figurine down, his face showing a grim frown, "Son, I'm sorry I have to do this..." The ranger winced, expecting the worst to happen. "...but I'll need your chair, I'm Game-Master now."

"Oh." The ranger gave a sigh of relief as he went to look for another chair, outside the barracks he saw the visiting German Colonel talking with another officer. Apparently, the German Colonel must have learned of what Townes had just done since as he walked by, the ranger overheard him declare that the entire base is full of nerds.

Edited by Razven, 10 June 2009 - 06:15.

[CommanderJB]

I knew it! I just knew it!

[Razven]

Author's Note: As of the moment, the following piece is not considered canonical but an off shoot of the current "Random Shockwavemod Stuff" universe where past events have remained the same but some events having taken a turn into the paranormal. Now I present to you:

"Parkes and Carter"

"Alright men, saddle up. Intel has caused a shitstorm in Central Command, there's been a report that we've missed an underground complex the size of a small town right underneath, with the exit right on the ruins of that damned hospital." Sergeant First Class Ben Parkes walked past the assembled men, shaking down some of them to make sure they're all ready for the mission. "We're not sure if there's anybody down there as our intel source has gone missing. CIA is sending somebody over to 'oversee' the mission. I don't fucking like spooks and I don't fucking like them when they come with us. Command has given me orders to follow his advice. I say fuck that shit I am the platoon sarge and I call the shots. You are not to listen to a damned word to the spook unless I say so. Do I make myself clear?" The men assembled gave loud "Hooah!" in return.

"I want everyone ready in 5!" Carter turned around just in time to see a man strutting towards him. "Agent...?"
"Agent Carter." The CIA Agent replied curtly. "Excellent skills of observation, Sergeant. I take it that you have noticed from the lack of rank and insignia?" The Sergeant nodded. "Good. Also, I heard what you said, that's fine by me. Everything is on a need to know basis and right now, you don't need to know. I will be in the lead vehicle." The Agent nodded back in return, signaling that the conversation is over and walked off.

"Fucking spook." Ben mumbled as he watched the agent walk towards the lead Humvee, taking up his original seat as he sat down. The rest of the ride went by in a blur, the hot Middle Eastern wind and rumbling of the armored vehicles meant that those who were not driving or manning the turret quickly found themselves dozing off. The men were well trained but young and fatigued by near constant combat. Tacnet reported no more casualties asides from a brief skirmish with fleeing GLA forces on the outskirts of the city. With that, the Sergeant decided the platoon should rest, fatigue causes bad decisions and bad decisions cost lives. Their current mission took priority, given that CIA rarely gets involved unless they expected shit to hit the fan.

"Sarge. Sarge! Hold on, let me get off the car." A door opened and slammed closed, a closer one opened again. "SARGE! WAKE UP." The Sergeant opened his eyes, he must've dozed off at some point. "We're here Sarge, right in the god damn mess." Turning his head and looking behind the solider, he realised the Corporal was right, there was nothing but rubble, smoke and fire around them.

"Ah, I see that you're awake from your nap, Sergeant First Class Parkes. I've taken some of the men to locate possible entry points into the underground complex after securing the site, we found it a while ago." Carter said casually, leaning against the back of the Humvee, tapping a finger onto the armored top, the sound grating on the Parkes' nerves. "It's approximately a klick away to the South East." The CIA Agent smirked. "I'm not sure why we missed it on the way in, it was the only structure left standing from here to the four launch pad. I'm sure we would've spotted it if most of our men weren't asleep, Sergeant."

Parkes gritted his teeth, he was a reasonable man and his rank meant that he couldn't just lash out at the smug fucker right in front of him. More than a few dozen pairs of eyes were looking towards the pair now, his men keen on seeing how he'd handle the situation and hopefully watch him beat that smirk off the the spook's face. Taking a deep breath, he turned to the assembled men "You heard the Agent, move out! Area should be secure but I want you to spread out and keep overwatch!"

His men nodded in return, Parkes noting that the NCOs present staring uneasily between him and the Carter, more obvious to the power struggle between the two of them than the enlisted grunts. The men walked in silence, asides from the sound of rubble shifting under their feet nothing was heard. The battlefield was silent until they've reached their destination - a large steel door leading to a concrete structure the the size of four shipping containers stacked in a two by two configuration. The doors led to a dark corridor into the dark unknown. It wasn't until he turned around and saw the thickness of the steel doors that he noticed they were unscratched except for several holes where a breaching charges was apparently used.

A NCO thew a flare into the darkness. It rolled for several meters before it descended down a flight of stairs, the brief illumination allowed them to see that most of the standing structure was in fact composed of concrete, leaving just enough space for two men to walk side by side. "Down the rabbit-hole." Carter mumbled as he watched the flare disappear.


Edit: The usual, read AND review. Reviews motivate authors since they actually show there's a readership out there.

Edited by Razven, 30 June 2009 - 07:36.

[Razven]

Excuse the double post but I do want some attention to the thread, can those who have read it acknowledge that they have in fact read this? It doesn't have to come with a literacy review or an endorsement, just something simple on your immediate reaction such as "I read your story, I liked/disliked it." would suffice.

Edited by Razven, 30 June 2009 - 07:26.

[CommanderJB]

Apologies for the delay in replying - I stumbled across this at about 1:30AM last night and couldn't really muster up a very good response.
Your writing skills are at a very high level; the variety of description you use in terms of engaging the reader's imaginary senses is excellent. You also get depth into the characters in only a short space, which is dfficult and thus definitely impressive. I am very much looking forward to seeing more of this one.
My only negative comments would be these:

Firstly, there's a fair bit of sentence structuring like this:

Quote

With that, the Sergeant decided the platoon should rest, fatigue causes bad decisions and bad decisions cost lives, their current mission took priority.

While I realised recently that I've been overloading massively on semi-colons in some areas, they can be very useful, because separating different ideas in a sentence with commas is rarely a good idea. Commas indicate a pause or an addition to the same idea, but separate ideas (even when related) or different observations should be left to a different sentence or sentence section. As such I'd recommend something like this (I actually hate using examples from your writing because I know I can find it very annoying if it's done to me, but I'm afraid that I can't think of a better way of demonstrating):

Quote

With that, the Sergeant decided the platoon should rest; fatigue caused bad decisions and bad decisions cost lives. Their current mission took priority.

Also, there was a very minor spelling error, and in a couple of cases sentences appear to go nowhere, such as here:

Quote

The rest of the ride went by in a blur, the hot Middle Eastern wind and rumbling of the armored vehicles meant that those who were not driving or manning the turret.

I can't stress enough the importance of proofreading, preferably multiple times and preferably again some time after you've written the piece before you submit it to critical analysis.
The only other suggestion would be to make sure you keep your tense consistent; you sometimes lapse into present continuous tense, which is hard to avoid but confusing for the reader.

Oh, and unless you have another recent piece you'd prefer I nominate instead, I'd like to put this one forward for the Short Story competition.

Edited by CommanderJB, 30 June 2009 - 03:26.

[Razven]

I should really go through it again, I'll get back to it as soon as possible. Most of the faults came from the fact that I proofread it once, didn't like some parts and changed it without paying attention afterwards.

And nominate the one you like best.

Edited by Razven, 30 June 2009 - 07:25.

[SquigPie]

Well-written little story, But is it a stand-alone or will there be followups?


Gritty style and characters. Like it.

[Razven]

That's just just be the tip of the iceberg.

"Need to Know."

"Turn on the field lights, you won't see shit in the darkness." Parkes commented, quickly followed by the sound of several clicks and beams of light illuminating the walls behind him. "I want you to keep your eyes peeled. Everyone keep your distance and within overwatch." He turned around, only to see the CIA Agent fumbling with what looked like a small screen mounted on the side of Agent's gun. "And just what the fuck is that?"

"New technology and you don't need to know." Carter replied curtly. "Just do your job, Sergeant." He added, effectively ending the conversation as continued to tinker with it. "Right, down the rabbit-hole." Parkes cursed underneath his breath, turned around and made his way into the gloomy darkness.

"Can't see shit sir." A Private commented as the platoon made their way down the seemingly unending stairs in the gloomy darkness. "Do we even know how far we've gone?"

"At least a hundred meters down, Private." A Sergeant responded. "The GPS coordinates are getting a little fuzzy, must be the because we're so far under-...did you guys hear that?" The platoon stopped.

"Hear what?" Another soldier's voice asked.

"I didn't hear anything. Aw Jesus Fucking Christ, I think I just stepped on shi-WELL OH FUCKING SHIT." The Sergeant screamed and fell, causing everybody else to tumble down the remaining stairs. Carter was the first to get up.

"What are you doing soldier? You could've gotten us all killed! If it weren't for the fact that there weren't enough stairs left to break anyone's bones, I would've had you court martialed!" Parkes was about to go shut him up before he noticed that the usual smug CIA spook has gone from angrily indignant to being extremely serious.

"Sir." It was the Sergeant. "I think you better take a look at this." Parkes turned around, the field light mounted on his helmet illuminating nothing at all. The empty area surrounding them was so large that there was nothing to bounce the light back. "Sir? Your foot..." Parkes turned his head to the floor, finally noticing what broke the platoon's fall and why the Sergeant tripped. It was a mound of corpses, the floor around them slick with fresh wet blood.

The Sergeant kneeled down to pick up a severed arm, the fingers in addition to several stripes of flesh were missing and possibly torn off. "Sir? What do we do now?"

Edited by Razven, 05 July 2009 - 05:48.

[CommanderJB]

Get worried, I'd say.

This is definitely your best work to date IMO - excellent atmosphere. I'm really looking forward to the next bit.

[Ascendancy]

Wow.

I just read these from the beginning, and I must say that they've all been well detailed up to this very point. I knew I should've made a comment ages ago...

...But in any case I'm definitely reading whatever's next.

[Razven]

Aw, thank you. :3

You're ALL awesome.

[Destiny]

I wonder if someone's been experimenting with...Anthrax.

[deltaepsilon]

Dr. Thrax's first name is An.

[Razven]

We interrupt this story to bring you the following citation for James R. Brown.

"Phoenix: Immortalised"

"As a man of science, campaigner of human rights and voice of reason in these troubling and turbulent times, Dr. James Brown has dedicated his life to expanding the horizons of human knowledge, making progress toward the end of nuclear proliferation and making incredible breakthroughs in cold fusion technology. His efforts to advance our understanding of cold fusion for the purpose of peaceful purposes have brought hope and the promise of cheap environmentally friendly mean of generating electricity to tens of millions in both developed and developing nations. It is with great regret that this man, who has accomplished so much and destined for much more has been tragically cut short by the enemies of freedom and liberty. The United States posthumously honors Doctor James Brown for his commitment to enabling men, women, and children to live in a new golden age of technology and for the defence of America and her allies during the invasion of the United States."

- Doctor James R. Brown - born in 13th June 1987, died on 20th July 2019 in combat with invasion forces within Washington University. He, along with 23 school staff and state policemen held off more than one hundred enemy combatants as the school was evacuated. Doctor Brown died after suffering head injuries and was pronounced dead upon arrival at the nearest medical centre. He leaves behind his mother, father, twin brother and a community spanning the globe.

~Fin


- In memory of CommanderJB, always the first person I would pester for a reader's review and the last person I would have expected to leave us behind. You will be missed, good friend.